Sometimes, you just wanna get the heck out of the job you are in. There are moments that you daydream about the many ways you could get fired. If only you didn’t have those loans and all of those bills and all of that responsibility — you would love to go down in a blaze of glory and create an exit the likes of which the world has never seen.
I have put together a short list of ways for you to go down in style if the need should arise.
1. Stolen Memories – One night, while you have to work late and your boss has long been gone, venture into his office and help yourself to some of his family photos. Scan them into your computer. Then you can easily place a photo of yourself into their precious memories. After you have printed them, be sure to frame them and set them up at your desk like a little shrine, complete with candles. If you substitute your face for his son-in-law’s face, that should earn you an extra fast pass to the parking lot.
2. Freakshow – This is where you show up at work with your cheeks painted with red circles. Use lipstick for an even greater effect. Your hair should be a mess. All day long, you stare at your co-workers, make your fingers into a gun, point to them and mouth the word, “Kapow”. Then smile, revealing that you have been eating Tootsie Rolls since your arrival.
3. Lil’ Boss - Arrive at work like normal, and secretly take a photo of your boss and his attire that day. Step out for a “smoke” and drive to the nearest Goodwill store and purchase clothing that would make you look most like your boss. Go back to work donning your new costume and then begin to follow him around the office and mock everything he says using your best Hitler impression. After you finish each rant, be sure to bend over, grab your bum and make kissing noises whilst tenaciously squeezing your bottom in a rhythmic fashion.
4. Take Your Child to Work Day - Invite one of your friends who will stand in as your 30-something son who still lives at home. Be sure to equip him with cigarettes for smoking throughout the day and give him a list of profanities for him to spout in defiance of “the Man that is getting him down.”
5. Blindtackle McGhee – Come to work in a football jersey and blindtackle people all day long. When someone is making a copy, hit them in their lower back so you can bend them over the machine. Make the most out of your tackle — the water cooler, the coat rack, a file cabinet — all make a lot of noise and create the most mess when bodies are smashed into them. Be certain to paste your boss into the wall right after he fills his precious coffee mug with steaming hot coffee. Be sure you do a victory dance over every person you’ve sacked, before you are sacked.
Have you ever dreamed of being cut loose in a most creative way? There are many people at their desks today that need inspiration.