In the small town of Lumpkinville, North Carolina, The Lumpkin Watcher has just narrowly escaped getting busted by his mom for breaking curfew. He slips dejectedly into his lair (bedroom) and enters his Cave of Crime Obstruction (blanket fort in his closet). With a steady hand, he holds a flashlight and pens the following words:

Dear Diary,

Hey. What’s up?
Not much here.
Just about got busted by my mom is all. If only I could tell her my true identity. Then she wouldn’t hassle me all the time about “being home for dinner” and “why does your room smell so bad” and “why can’t you have a girlfriend like your friend Ricky?”
Man, Ricky was the coolest guy in school. He got the Wii when it first came out and we played it all night long one time. Well, I actually watched him play it while I observed through his window. I bet we would have had a blast that night. So much junk food and talking about girls and how much I like girls.
Maybe one day Ricky and I will hang out. He is just so busy all the time since he dropped out of school. His older brother got him a real important job running special errands for him. Ricky always has lots of money, so I bet his brother pays him well. Maybe one day I can go on one of his professional deliveries.
So, guess what?
I am waiting…
I’m kidding. Ha, ha.
Today was a BIG day. I saved Old Man Johnson’s life. While I was on patrol in Cowling Park, I found him on a bench where he was sitting unconscious. I ran up to him as fast as I could. He looked real bad, so I started hitting his chest real hard with my fist trying to get his heart going again. I figured that seeing as how he is so old, he had probably done had himself a big heart attack. Well, I only had to hit him twice before his dentures flew out of his mouth and he came back to the land of the living. I saluted him and ran off. I can still hear him screaming at me, trying to thank me as I ran away.
Okay Diary, time for sleep now. More adventures tomorrow.

- LW