In the lazy town of Lumpkinville, North Carolina, The Lumpkin Watcher has just put on his Christmas pajamas and grabbed a glass of orange juice. He slides into his Cave of Crime Obstruction (blanket fort in his closet) and pens the events from his day of fighting crime and taking breaks:
Sorry it’s been so long since I have written last. What have you been up to? Ha! Probably nada, since you are a book and I keep you in my sock drawer.
Today was craaaazy. I went to Martha’s Minute Market after watching the bank for half an hour (it was too hot to sit in the sun for so long). I was crazy thirsty and a little hungry. All I had was $5. Anyway, I went inside and went straight to the cold drink cooler. I wanted to get one of those awesome NOS energy drinks that Ricky always drinks before he works out or goes on his dates with Cheryl (hottie!). Those drinks are expensive, so I got a Monster drink and a bag of Mesquite BBQ chips (what is Mesquite anyways — I know it is DELICIOUS!).
When I went to check out, I knew I would barely have enough money (note to self — get a job QUICK). Martha herself rang me up. The total was $3.25. She gave me my change, and I walked out. But here’s what is crazy… when I got outside, I looked at my change and saw that she had done gave me $5.75 in change. What a nice lady! I guess she secretly wanted to pay me for all of my crime fighting and for watching her store sometimes.
So I went back inside with my hard-earned money and went straight to the NOS energy drink display case. I grabbed the biggest one I could find, took it to the front and slapped the $5 on the counter. I winked at Martha, but I think she thought I was making fun of her lazy eye (creepy!), but I wasn’t.
As I walked out, I couldn’t wait to drink that NOS right on down. As I was about to crack it open and pound it, I saw Old Man Johnson sitting on a bench. I thought that he could probably use a little boost. He is always sitting on benches and dying and stuff. I even started to feel guilty about Martha paying me for my services. So I walked right up to Old Man Johnson and gave him my NOS and walked away.
Sometimes, being so good is hard. I really wanted that NOS. I thought that if I drank it, I might be able to defend fair Lumpkinville a little better. I might even get a girl like Cheryl (hottness!) and me and Ricky and Cheryl and my Cheryl could go on a date.
Also, sad news. Old Man Johnson was sent to the hospital not long after I saw him. I think mom said it was a heart attack.
Sleepytown is calling, gotta answer!