If there is one draw to being a celebrity, it’s that you can do almost anything you want and people will explain it away as genius or brilliance.
Celebs can get away with murder (sometimes literally), but the average folk have to take heat for their ludicrousness.
Consider the following scenarios:
1. A guy places a leaf on the dashboard of his car and names it Roderick.
Celeb – Genius, and a way to prepare for a role in an upcoming film.
Me – Ludicrous and possibly wreaks of old Jack-in-the-Box burgers.
2. A guy walks around using different accents, talking only to himself.
Celeb – Brilliant. This guy is obviously a method actor, and he wants to truly embody the role in his upcoming film.
Me – Ludicrous and possibly run the risk of being hospitalized.
3. A guy walks into a coffee house, orders a drink and walks out without paying.
Celeb – It’s expected. The guy serves mankind with his talent and his portrayal of desperate characters in an upcoming film.
Me - Ludicrous and possible experience of a spear-tackle by a chaffed barista.
4. A guy wears an over-sized shirt adorned with stains. For pants, he wears a grungy pair of over-sized thermal underwear. Also, he rarely showers.
Celeb – Creative genius, with the heart of a hippie and the mind of a poet. He might also be preparing for an upcoming film.
Me – Ludicrous, and will most likely be dragged off to the nearest high school shower where a serious hazing and forced shower would occur.
What is the most ludicrous thing you have ever seen a celeb do or say?
I know that there are multiple devices that help you record your thoughts, ideas, visions and inspirations.
There are apps that simplify the process and help keep things neat and tidy.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my iPad – wouldn’t trade it.
But for me, nothing beats a little notebook.
I call it my PaperMind.
It’s my mind on paper.
Very stream of consciousness.
Most times, full of mistakes.
Just like my mind.
I prefer my PaperMind because:
1. It’s tangible
I love to feel the pen or the pencil on the paper.
2. It helps me stay loose
Trying to use my finger on a tablet is cool, but there is a fluidity that cannot be achieved when I use my entire arm, wrist and fingers to record some thoughts.
3. Doesn’t take a battery
It’s portable, it can sit in my blazing hot car and can double as a coaster.
4. It’s history
I am able to look at the evolution of an idea over a period of time. Some of my best logo designs and taglines have transformed over a series of 3 or 4 pages.
What do you do to record and keep your ideas as they come to you?
1. Did you have a stuffed animal that you loved? Tell us about that plush friend.
2. In the booming days of the arcade, what was your game of choice?
3. Would you share one beloved/insane vacation memory from your childhood days?
Commenting is good for your bones, you should try it.
It’s inevitable that at some point in your married life, you will have a disagreement with your spouse.
While there are no turnkey solutions for navigating marital disputes, I offer a few points that can get you through discord without creating more problems than necessary.
1. Always wear a shirt.
If you are the husband, nothing makes you lose credibility faster than trying to make your point shirtless. Your wife will not be able to hear your point of view over the sound of your stark farmer’s tan and one pack.
If you are the wife, your husband will not be able to hear your point of view over the sound of you – well, being shirtless.
2. “I told you so” doesn’t make you more awesome than your spouse.
There are ways to gently discuss a wrong choice with your spouse. A snarky “I told you so” at ground zero is not ideal. When your husband tests his grill with seat attachment invention, saying “I told you so” whilst pulling the burning grates from his legs is the wrong time. Wait until his skin grafts have healed before broaching the subject.
3. Never argue and drive.
For reasons of safety, wait until you are home to have your disagreement. If it can’t wait, pull into the nearest Waffle House parking lot, get out and let it fly. Not only will you be glad that you did, but so will all the gawking college students and hipster dating couples.
4. Don’t be a jokester.
If your wife is sharing her perspective on the issue at hand and it reminds you of a funny story, keep your mouth shut. If her heartfelt monologue reminds you of an amusing video you saw on Youtube – make a mental note and share it later. Also, this is never the time to administer a wedgie.
Are there any other rules for arguing between spouses?
Ludicrous or legit, share your thoughts.
Not too long ago, before we moved to South Carolina, I used to run on the back roads in the Virginia countryside.
One afternoon, I had a close call with a huge black bear.
To tell the story, I created a video with all the cutting-edge technology I had available at the time.
When you are out running, you get to see lots of things you normally pass whilst driving in your car.
Maybe it’s a pack of wild dogs.
Maybe it’s a roll of money (I’ve found that too).
What is the craziest thing you’ve encountered whilst out on a run?
I am a 37 year old Caucasian American male.
I am a creative professional, co-owner of a branding and design firm.
I am a husband.
I am a father.
I am no longer cool.
“I have to pee-pee!”
That familiar phrase bounced around the interior of our Suburban as I took the nearest exit.
Hoping to find a nice establishment, I sighed as I pulled into the only service station in sight – an absolute petroleum dive.
My wife looked at me saying without using words, “I’m am not taking the girls in there – it’s all you.”
I turned the vehicle off, adjusted my sunglasses in the mirror, and then set about loosening my two girls from their car seats.
Careful to not harmfully adjust my hair as I exited, I cradled my girls under my tanned and toned arms and stepped out onto the oil-stained parking lot.
I took steady strides toward the station doors, holding London and Mosely aloft to entertain them and to accentuate any muscular definition I could.
After yanking open the door, I scanned the room and internally established how much better I was than anyone in the entire establishment.
Making our way to the restroom door, I kicked it open and surveyed the scene – the restroom was a disaster.
With my girls wiggling to the ground, I found myself in hyper-attention mode – making sure my sweet little girls didn’t come into contact with anything foul.
With each child taking their turn on the toilet, my parental eyes kept track of little hands and tiny feet.
With sweat staining my shirt and my clothes disheveled, I washed their tiny and clinging hands and determined that they were relatively unscathed and unsoiled from the absolutely horrific bathroom.
I looked in the mirror and decided I looked cool enough to exit.
Walking back to the Suburban across the gray lot, I smiled thinking how we survived the scenario without incident.
With sweaty head high and my girls pressed tightly against me, I was unaware of the long train of toilet paper on my shoe that was dragging behind me.
That stuff would never happen to me.
That stuff was reserved for my dad – he wasn’t cool.
He was the guy that always did embarrassing things that made my friends laugh.
He was the guy that would have messy hair and a sweat-stained shirt.
He wasn’t cool.
Because life wasn’t about him anymore.
It was about my mom and about me.
So as I walked back to our Suburban that day, sweaty, a bit disheveled and cradling my treasures in my arms whilst dragging toilet paper behind me – I decided a few things:
I am a husband.
I am a father.
I am no longer cool – and that’s perfectly alright with me.
Happy Father’s Day.
Hug your dad if you are able and thank him for not being cool anymore.
Dads – are you still cool?
If not, was there a moment for you?
Man has been given a precious gift.
Even if the top of his head stops producing hair, stop agonizing – his face will continue to produce a beard.
What an amazing gift, yes?
But sometimes, even the most manly of men need to be reminded to trim the gift that keeps on giving.
So how do you know it’s time to trim?
1. If you find yourself constantly chewing your facial hair whilst chewing any food.
2. If you reach up to scratch your head, but whilst raising your arm, you are impeded by your lavish and lush facial follicles.
3. If your comb-over starts at your jaw line.
4. If you have to pin your beard back to smile for photos on a windy day.
5. If following every bathroom break, you have to move your beard out of the way so that it does not get caught in your zipper.
6. If you have decided to stop wearing all of those “frustrating clothes” because “you are now wearing nature’s robe”.
7. If you find that other people are chewing your facial hair whilst chewing any food.
8. If your beard has ever blown out the window during a leisurely drive through the English countryside.
What are some other indicators that your beard is too long?
Summer brings lots of things.
Fun, vacation, slip and slides and subsequent trips to the ER.
But not only does summer bring out the best in life, it can also bring out the worst – like fire ants.
Here in Upstate South Carolina, this season is crowned by hundreds of small red hills in our yards. Those little menacing mounds are the residence of the fire ant.
Fire ants are the worst, and here’s why:
1. When mowing your lawn, you will no doubt destroy their domiciles of doom. The have the last laugh when thousands of their burning army are sprayed all over your legs ready to light you up.
2. Their bites leave your fleshy appendage looking like a disgusting horned melon from hell (this is especially awesome when you have encountered a hoard of them whilst wearing your favourite sandals).
3. After wreaking havoc upon your body, their bits are weepy and make you want to level them with an iron file until you are bleeding and full of regret.
4. This process will no doubt be repeated at least 5 more times over the course of the long and hot summer.
Any home remedies for relief of these bites?
What about an environmentally friendly means of extermination?
What pests come out this time of year in your neck of the woods?
Remember the good old days?
When kids would pass the time playing with mercury infused lead-based paint chips and doctors would promote smoking Camel cigarettes in their downtime?
My favourite part of the video is when the announcer urges you to “…see how Camels agree with your throat.”