If there is one draw to being a celebrity, it’s that you can do almost anything you want and people will explain it away as genius or brilliance.
Celebs can get away with murder (sometimes literally), but the average folk have to take heat for their ludicrousness.
What gives?

Consider the following scenarios:

1. A guy places a leaf on the dashboard of his car and names it Roderick.
Celeb – Genius, and a way to prepare for a role in an upcoming film.
Me – Ludicrous and possibly wreaks of old Jack-in-the-Box burgers.

2. A guy walks around using different accents, talking only to himself.
Celeb – Brilliant. This guy is obviously a method actor, and he wants to truly embody the role in his upcoming film.
Me – Ludicrous and possibly run the risk of being hospitalized.

3. A guy walks into a coffee house, orders a drink and walks out without paying.
Celeb – It’s expected. The guy serves mankind with his talent and his portrayal of desperate characters in an upcoming film.
Me - Ludicrous and possible experience of a spear-tackle by a chaffed barista.

4. A guy wears an over-sized shirt adorned with stains. For pants, he wears a grungy pair of over-sized thermal underwear. Also, he rarely showers.
Celeb – Creative genius, with the heart of a hippie and the mind of a poet. He might also be preparing for an upcoming film.
Me – Ludicrous, and will most likely be dragged off to the nearest high school shower where a serious hazing and forced shower would occur.

What is the most ludicrous thing you have ever seen a celeb do or say?

It’s inevitable that at some point in your married life, you will have a disagreement with your spouse.
While there are no turnkey solutions for navigating marital disputes, I offer a few points that can get you through discord without creating more problems than necessary.

1. Always wear a shirt.
If you are the husband, nothing makes you lose credibility faster than trying to make your point shirtless. Your wife will not be able to hear your point of view over the sound of your stark farmer’s tan and one pack.
If you are the wife, your husband will not be able to hear your point of view over the sound of you – well, being shirtless.

2. “I told you so” doesn’t make you more awesome than your spouse.
There are ways to gently discuss a wrong choice with your spouse. A snarky “I told you so” at ground zero is not ideal. When your husband tests his grill with seat attachment invention, saying “I told you so” whilst pulling the burning grates from his legs is the wrong time. Wait until his skin grafts have healed before broaching the subject.

3. Never argue and drive.
For reasons of safety, wait until you are home to have your disagreement. If it can’t wait, pull into the nearest Waffle House parking lot, get out and let it fly. Not only will you be glad that you did, but so will all the gawking college students and hipster dating couples.

4. Don’t be a jokester.
If your wife is sharing her perspective on the issue at hand and it reminds you of a funny story, keep your mouth shut. If her heartfelt monologue reminds you of an amusing video you saw on Youtube – make a mental note and share it later. Also, this is never the time to administer a wedgie.

Are there any other rules for arguing between spouses?
Ludicrous or legit, share your thoughts.

Not too long ago, before we moved to South Carolina, I used to run on the back roads in the Virginia countryside.
One afternoon, I had a close call with a huge black bear.
To tell the story, I created a video with all the cutting-edge technology I had available at the time.

When you are out running, you get to see lots of things you normally pass whilst driving in your car.
Maybe it’s a pack of wild dogs.
Maybe it’s a roll of money (I’ve found that too).

What is the craziest thing you’ve encountered whilst out on a run?

I am a 37 year old Caucasian American male.
I am a creative professional, co-owner of a branding and design firm.
I am a husband.
I am a father.

I am no longer cool.

“I have to pee-pee!”
That familiar phrase bounced around the interior of our Suburban as I took the nearest exit.
Hoping to find a nice establishment, I sighed as I pulled into the only service station in sight – an absolute petroleum dive.
My wife looked at me saying without using words, “I’m am not taking the girls in there – it’s all you.”
I turned the vehicle off, adjusted my sunglasses in the mirror, and then set about loosening my two girls from their car seats.
Careful to not harmfully adjust my hair as I exited, I cradled my girls under my tanned and toned arms and stepped out onto the oil-stained parking lot.
I took steady strides toward the station doors, holding London and Mosely aloft to entertain them and to accentuate any muscular definition I could.
After yanking open the door, I scanned the room and internally established how much better I was than anyone in the entire establishment.
Making our way to the restroom door, I kicked it open and surveyed the scene – the restroom was a disaster.
With my girls wiggling to the ground, I found myself in hyper-attention mode – making sure my sweet little girls didn’t come into contact with anything foul.
With each child taking their turn on the toilet, my parental eyes kept track of little hands and tiny feet.
With sweat staining my shirt and my clothes disheveled, I washed their tiny and clinging hands and determined that they were relatively unscathed and unsoiled from the absolutely horrific bathroom.
I looked in the mirror and decided I looked cool enough to exit.
Walking back to the Suburban across the gray lot, I smiled thinking how we survived the scenario without incident.
With sweaty head high and my girls pressed tightly against me, I was unaware of the long train of toilet paper on my shoe that was dragging behind me.

That stuff would never happen to me.
That stuff was reserved for my dad – he wasn’t cool.
He was the guy that always did embarrassing things that made my friends laugh.
He was the guy that would have messy hair and a sweat-stained shirt.
He wasn’t cool.
Why?
Because life wasn’t about him anymore.
It was about my mom and about me.
So as I walked back to our Suburban that day, sweaty, a bit disheveled and cradling my treasures in my arms whilst dragging toilet paper behind me – I decided a few things:
I am a husband.
I am a father.
I am no longer cool – and that’s perfectly alright with me.

Happy Father’s Day.
Hug your dad if you are able and thank him for not being cool anymore.
Dads – are you still cool?
If not, was there a moment for you?

Summer brings lots of things.
Fun, vacation, slip and slides and subsequent trips to the ER.
But not only does summer bring out the best in life, it can also bring out the worst – like fire ants.

Here in Upstate South Carolina, this season is crowned by hundreds of small red hills in our yards. Those little menacing mounds are the residence of the fire ant.
Fire ants are the worst, and here’s why:

1. When mowing your lawn, you will no doubt destroy their domiciles of doom. The have the last laugh when thousands of their burning army are sprayed all over your legs ready to light you up.
2. Their bites leave your fleshy appendage looking like a disgusting horned melon from hell (this is especially awesome when you have encountered a hoard of them whilst wearing your favourite sandals).
3. After wreaking havoc upon your body, their bits are weepy and make you want to level them with an iron file until you are bleeding and full of regret.
4. This process will no doubt be repeated at least 5 more times over the course of the long and hot summer.

Any home remedies for relief of these bites?
What about an environmentally friendly means of extermination?
What pests come out this time of year in your neck of the woods?

Have you ever launched a text out to someone and that person never responded?
Was there a time that you crafted a “hilarious” text, sent it to your buddy – but not even a “haha” was returned?
Maybe you were in a crisis – you couldn’t decide between two restaurants – and you have not eaten since?
Let’s look at a few possible reasons why:

1. Too much swearing
No one likes to receive texts that make no sense because of a paragraph-long string of profanities. Try to cut down on all of the cursing.

2. The person you’ve texted has a new phone number
It has been a few days since you have talked to your friend, but you never know – they may have a new phone. It is always wise to write a letter about your concern, put it in an envelope, add a stamp, take it to the post office, and then mail it. Once your friend has written their response (and had it notarized) and confirmed that their number has not changed, text away!

3. The recipient of your text feels dumb
Texting phrases like, “? hvnt u txtd bk??!” and “if u dont txt bk, i kill u & ur fmly” – can make you look like you have a superior intellect. Try to be aware of the other person’s feelings. Use complete phrases like, “If you do not respond right now, I will track you down like the dog you are and make you curse the day you were born.” Speak in their language.

No way is this an exhaustive list, but it is a great place to start.
Keep these things in mind as you craft your next text about laughing out loud, texting, Justin Birberbe or just going to the local swimming pool – people will be returning your texts in no time.

Have I missed any reasons why people do not respond to texts?

At some point in time, an adult married male will be asked to go to the market to pick up a few essentials.
No doubt the list will include things like milk, bread, cheese, apples – an assortment of kitchen staples.
But there are some things that the ladies must know about the mind of a man left alone to shop at the grocery store.

1. If you ask for fruit, don’t assume he’s going to get apples.
Man Mind:  “Let’s see… this list says ‘fruit.’ I bet she means apples. [Looks around with strategic eyes] Hey, these are organic, but they are $4 a pound. Wait – is that pineapple? Pineapple is good and weird. And you have to cut it. Maybe I can use my sword to cut it.  Wait, this one is already pre-cut – what a time saver. I will be a hero, and she will be so proud that I don’t bring my sword into the kitchen again.”

2. If you ask for juice, please clearly state the brand name and the juice type.
Man Mind:  “Juice, juice, juice… ahhh. Here it is. [Reading label with much precision] Hmmm… this is just some plain old apple juice. [Looking around and seeing super-expensive imported Italian volcanic spring water juice infused with blood oranges]
Oh – here we go. [Places it in cart]

3. If you ask for cereal, limit the number of allowed boxes.
Man Mind:  “Raisin Bran – check. Cheerios – check. [Seeing Fruity Pebbles] I loved these when I was younger [drops them into cart with a smile] – for nostalgia. [Looking at aisle of cereal that goes on and on and grabbing a nearby box] Whooo – there is fruit in this one. She wanted me to get fruit, and this one has some kind of astronaut freeze-dried strawberries in them. [Places box in cart] And these… oooh. This box of Special K says that it helps you lose weight. She’ll love this. She’s really into weight loss.”

Suffice it to say – you get the point.
Please know that in addition to the above scenarios, a man left alone to shop in the grocery may be sucked in to a wine-tasting and come home empty-handed, but a bit more cultured.
And if he comes home with everything but what was on the list you gave him, just know that he had your best interests in mind…
…even if it is a box of Special K.

This short list certainly applies to me, what about you?
Ladies – care to chime in?

Have you ever attended a concert? If you have, you no doubt encountered a variety of concert attendees.
Depending upon the show and the venue, a unique group of people can gather and sometimes be as entertaining if not more entertaining than the group pouring out their guts on stage.
Out of that unique group, which of the following concert-goers are you most like?

1. Dancy Nancy
This girl has no concern for others around them. They have lived their whole lives for that moment – the moment to dance like a ferocious wet noodle before their musical idols.

2. Phil Spectator
This guy spends most of the evening in awe of the human condition. On occasion, he will watch the people on stage, but is usually more enthralled with the show happening all around him.

3. Make-out McQueen
This person takes every opportunity to demonstrate how much they feel toward their concert partner. Nothing left to say here that can be said.

4. Drunken Duncan
This guy makes it his mission to consume as much alcohol as possible, and potentially ruin the show for others around him. He can go from screaming his love for the singer, to giving the band the bird as they exit the stage at the end of the night (if Drunken Duncan is still standing).

5. Kevin Keigley
Sometimes nods in time, never claps (especially with his hands over his head) and then blogs about the evening.*

I am sure I missed someone.
If you feel that I have, please enlighten us to a concert attendee you have witnessed (or that best describes you).

*This does not apply to the time that I saw Paul McCartney in concert.
If it did, #5 would have read like the following:
5. Kevin Keigley
Turns into an unsightly girl.

Recently, while looking at my old WordPress site, I noticed that I had a “blogroll” all my favourite bloggers posted at screen right for all of my readers to see.
Among the short list was my friend Tripp Crosby.
I had forgotten that he “blogs” – so I was excited to check out his page.

I guess it has been awhile since his last post.
That’s cool – he’s busy doing stuff.
But out of his small pool of gems, one caught my eye – a post about a caricature of himself stood out.
Check out the artwork below.

As you can see, it looks exactly like him.
He challenged his readers to create one.
Here’s mine.

I know – it’s almost as if Tripp himself is staring into your soul.
But really, the thrust of this post was a comment that was on his blog.
It was so direct, specific and hard-hitting – I had to post it.

I don’t know who Cheap Bras is, but I agree.
I was aided about this issue, and I really wanted video clips coupled with this because it would help out.
And Tripp’s conclusion?
Wow.
Thanks, Tripp.
Keep blogging so I can direct my pals to your site.

As of today, my family and I are debt-free.
My poor choices haunt us no more and I can’t begin to describe the elation in our home.
It has been quite a journey of sacrifice, maturity, discipline and some real lean times of operation.

To celebrate, we are buying mink coats and a walk-in humidor.

But seriously, have you beat debt?
How did you celebrate?