Life is crazy.
Limited amounts of creative energies have to be directed toward projects for which I am hired.

I will return.
Just had to press pause for awhile.
Thank you so much for checking in.

One cold and freezing day, I ventured to work trying to power through some sort of stomach mess that was wreaking its destruction in the southern end of a northbound Kevin.  I made it to my meeting on time, but found myself pacing the room in a cold sweat.  It was obvious to my co-workers that I was dealing with some issue of the “get the heck out of my way if I am running to the bathroom” variety.
Our meeting started, but I was mentally checked out.  I was trying to maintain control of my nethersystem.  I was losing.  Badly.  Quickly — for I could stand it no longer.  The moment was upon me and I had to act or everyone would pay dearly.  I ran to the bathroom which for the most privacy, was located in an outside building.  Snow was falling gently as I burst through the door of the restroom.  It was extremely chilly in there, but there was no time to care.  The moment was upon me like a tidal wave of…like a tidal wave.  I kicked in the door of the last stall and said a prayer to the god of nice bathrooms.  I had made it.  Moments later and much too late, horror of horrors, I made a terrible discovery.

Life Lesson #83
Make sure that if you are stricken with a violent stomach bug, you are always aware of which bathrooms have frozen pipes and thus have toilets that are unable to be flushed.

I remember that day as if t were yesterday.  I was a senior in high school and I was in the zone.  I was impressing my teachers, talking it up with the ladies, smiling in slow motion as I walked down the hallway as a gentle breeze attempted to move my 1993 hairstyle…my jeans couldn’t have fit better.  I swaggered through the parking lot after school as I made my way to my boss pick-up truck with the sunroof.  I slowly closed the door behind me as I gazed at the rear view mirror in absolute horror — there, on my right cheek, was an inch-long trail of dried blood that looked like a dead fuzzy caterpillar.

Life Lesson #34
Never scratch at a zit in first period while sitting in class.

This is a break from my usual blogging style, but I feel as though I need to come clean.

After sorting through some older e-mails this week, I noticed a comment I received from my wonderful friend Marie.  She lives in Germany and I have always enjoyed our conversations and correspondence.  I especially love that she reads this blog (Hi Marie!).  Her comment was regarding “my” Magic Salsa.  It was then that it struck me — that salsa wasn’t entirely mine.  It also may not be magic.  I am actually standing on the shoulders of one who so kindly bestowed culinary wisdom upon me many times (even at a late hour).

Mark Twain said that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.  So may I say to everyone — Leanne Boone makes the most delicious salsa I have ever tasted.  The salsa I make only has legs because Leanne Boone taught it how to walk.*  This experience leads to…

Life Lesson #14

Never steal a recipe from the wife of your boss unless you are prepared to 1) give proper credit, 2) quit your job and start a salsa company or 3) go one on one with her in an illegal cage-fight match in Berlin hosted by your German friend.

*In case you missed it, it was Leanne’s recipe — I just tweaked it.

Just because an old man is wearing dark sunglasses does not mean that he is blind.  Therefore, it is not a good idea to try to hold that man’s hand and lead him across a parking lot.

It’s never a good idea to pick up a child and swing them over your head while laughing heartily — especially when you don’t know the kid and you are at Wal-Mart.