Announcer: You are listening to 1010, WKEV FM.  Up next, Where are They Now? with host, Corby Tender.

Corby: Welcome to Where are They Now? I am your host, Corby Tender, and joining me in the studio is… Jart? Mr. Jart? How should I refer to you?
Jart: Jart is fine.
Corby: Great. So, Jart – what is it like to…
Jart’s Attorney: (Interrupting) You don’t have to answer that Mr. Jart.
Corby: I haven’t even asked a question yet.
Jart’s Attorney: (Nodding with eyes closed) I understand that Mr. Tender, but we all know where this is going.
Corby: (Covering microphone) Listen Mr. [muffled]… there is no way that we [muffled]… so, we are not going to do this. Got [muffled]… I don’t give a [muffled]… this is going to happen.
Jart: (Laughs nervously and dismisses attorney) Sorry about that. Just a habit. I know I promised you an exclusive so… I think you were asking about our color scheme, right? Like did we always come in red and yellow or yellow and…
Corby: No, before I was interrupted by your attorney, I was going to ask why in the heck did you think you were a good idea?
Jart: Well, it wasn’t me that thought I was a good idea. I am well aware that I wasn’t the “lawn precision” game I was made out to be. More like “your drunken uncle’s favorite game.”
Corby: Yeah, like everyone was laughing at Uncle Ernie until he was pulling you out of his thigh. Just a flesh wound, right?
Jart: Heh. Yeah. Right.
Corby: Tell me about your ride. The rush of fame.
Jart: Well, I had several well-known companies that marketed me. Regent, Crown – even Hasbro. They all said I was safer than baseball if used correctly.
Corby: Then what happened?
Jart: Well, I started showing up in everyone’s yard. Back yard, front yard – didn’t matter. If there was a stretch of green, I was pulled out to get the party started.
Corby: This was during the 80′s, yes?
Jart: Yeah. It was the era of Reagan and times were good. That is… until someone decided… decided…
Corby: …decided to make things more interesting?
Jart: (Looking down) Exactly.
Corby: …and?
Jart: And the rest is history. I was banned in 1988, never more to feel the rush of air against my fins… (Beginning to cry)
Corby: This is hard for you. I can see that.
Jart: (Now weeping) I just wanted to fly. That’s all. I just wanted to feel the wind on my metal… not the backside of JIMMY’S CLAVICLE!!
Corby: Woah. Easy there, Jart. Just breathe. In… and out…
Jart: (Trying to calm and follow Corby’s breathing)
Corby: There now. That’s better.
Jart: I just have one wish.
Corby: What’s that? To take back all the pain you’ve caused?
Jart: Yes. Of course… but also – also, to fly again. Just one more time.
Corby: (Looks at Jart)
Jart: Would you mind?
Corby: Not at all. Folks – this is a first here on WKEV. A repentant Jart flies one last time.
Jart: (Wipes tear)
Corby: (Rises and takes Jart carefully by the handle. With a few practice swings, Jart is heaved through the studio)
Jart: (Giggling through his tears) Look’me. I’m flying. I’m flying! Just like I used… (Jart smashes through the studio glass and plunges into the arm of the WKEV announcer)
Corby: Oh [muffled]!!!

Announcer: (The sounds of scrambling feet, shuffling furniture and glass shards being trodden upon fills the airwaves) Uh… (coughs) We hope you’ve enjoyed… uh… Where are They Now? with host, Corby Tender.  (Whispering) There’s a lot of blood here guys… (Normal studio voice) If you have lost track of someone or something through the years, uh… contact our 1010 WKEV studios and let us know.  You can e-mail us at 11ty@kevinkeigley.com or leave your comment below. (Covering mic with hand) Somebody call the [muffled]!!!

Announcer: You are listening to 1010, WKEV FM.  Up next, Where are They Now? with host, Corby Tender.

Corby: Welcome to Where are They Now? I am your host, Corby Tender, and joining me in the studio are a few members of the Gobots: there’s Jet-Guy and (to the other Gobot) you sort of look like a motorcycle, so I will call you Cycle Guy. Welcome to the show fellas.
Jet-Guy: Thank you, I guess. I will have you know that my name is Guardian 1…
Cycle Guy: …and my name is Cy-Kill! Do you get the play on words? I am a cycle, and I…
Corby: Yeah, I think we get it. So, let’s just address the obvious — you guys are not Transformers, right?
Jet-Guy: (laughs to self and glances nervously at Cy-Kill) Uh…no. We are not. You wouldn’t believe how often we…
Cycle Guy: What my bumbling enemy is trying to say is that…
Corby: (cutting him off) Do you know how much you guys stunk the place up in the 80′s? Do you? Can you even comprehend your impact on many a young boy on his birthday or Christmas?
Jet-Guy: I don’t understand.
Corby: You guys were the knock-offs. The replacements. The stand-in toys for Transformers. When moms and dads around the country couldn’t afford Transformers, they grabbed you and disappointed kids everywhere.
Cycle-Guy: You can hardly blame us for…
Corby: Quiet Cycle-Guy! Just shut your face!
(Cycle-Guy and Jet-Guy exchange anxious glances)
Corby: (beginning to get emotional) Do you know how badly I wanted Optimus Prime? Do YOU? Do you know how many times I rode home on the bus and watched as my friends played with their Transformers: Optimus Prime, Megatron…even the Dinobots? I think I touched Optimus Prime one time. ONCE! And it was on the bus when my buddy Chris asked if I would pass Prime to the kid behind me who had a gym bag full of Transformers. That kid probably had a bag of Capri Suns and Fruit Roll Ups too. (hangs his head and cries)
Cycle Guy: Sounds like someone needs a taste of energy blasts from my fist! (raises arm which quickly begins to shake) Who am I kidding? I am no Megatron. I wanted to be. (whispering to himself) So badly I wanted to be like him. (begins to weep)
Jet-Guy: (trying to play it cool) Come on, fellas! Why do our interviews always end the same way? We get railed by some guy with adolescent scars and then Cy-Kill caves under the weight of it all. That’s it. I am not gonna sit around and take this. C’mon, Cy-Kill!  Let’s transform, and roll out!
(Corby looks at Jet-Guy)
Jet-Guy: (mortified) Oh my gosh.  Did I just say that out loud? (Jet-Guy quickly changes into an F-15 fighter jet and blasts his way out of the studio leaving Corby and Cycle-Guy in a pool of tears and oil)
Corby: (looks up in a hysterical rage and shakes his fist at Jet-Guy who has just broken the sound barrier above the studio)
Your cartoon sucked Jet-Guy!

Announcer: Uh…(coughs) We hope you’ve enjoyed Where are They Now? with host, Corby Tender.  If you have lost track of someone or something through the years, contact our 1010 WKEV studios and let us know.  You can e-mail us at 11ty@kevinkeigley.com or leave your comment below.

Announcer: You are listening to 1010, WKEV FM.  Up next, Where are They Now? with host, Corby Tender.

Corby: Welcome to Where are They Now? I am your host, Corby Tender, and joining me in the studio is He-Man.  Welcome to the show He-Man.
He-Man: You are welcome to have me in your presence.  I am He-Man.
Corby: What?
He-Man: …
Corby: He-Man.  After all these years, you are still wearing the furry Speedo, huh?
He-Man: You wouldn’t believe how often I am asked that question.  My lower regional coverings were designed to provide me with maximum movement with minimal coverage.
Corby: And why is that important?
He-Man: (Points to head.) Think about it Corby.
Corby: That doesn’t make sense.  And I don’t really get how people haven’t figured out your true identity.  Have you made it known?
He-Man: You mean that I am really Prince Adam?
Corby: Right.  I mean, the only thing that makes you and Prince Adam look different is that in (finger quotes.) “He-Man mode,” you are scantily clad.  At least guys like Superman wore glasses to try to throw people off.
He-Man: No one knows that I am really Prince Adam.
Corby: Until today…you do understand what we are doing here today, right?  You are on the radio.
He-Man: What is…radio?  I am He-Man.
Corby: Let’s cut to the chase.  For many years, you battled with Skeletor, your arch-nemesis.  Yet today he stands nervously in the control room, watching you through the window.  What’s the deal?
He-Man: Skeletor and I have come through a lot.  (Motions for Skeletor to enter studio.)
Corby: And what does that mean?
He-Man: (Skeletor takes a seat next to He-Man.) It means that after many years of battling, we have put our differences aside and have taken a different look at Castle Grayskull.  I am He-Man, Master of the Universe.
Corby: Okay…but why are you two holding hands?
He-Man: …  I am He-Man.
Corby: We’ll be right back.

Announcer: We hope you’ve enjoyed Where are They Now? with host, Corby Tender.  If you have lost track of someone or something through the years, contact our 1010 WKEV studios and let us know.  You can e-mail us at 11ty@kevinkeigley.com or leave your comment below.

Announcer: You are listening to 1010, WKEV FM.  Up next, Where are They Now? with host, Corby Tender.

Corby: Welcome to Where are They Now? I am your host, Corby Tender, and joining me in the studio is Slinky.
(Plays jingle.) What walks down stairs, alone or in pairs, and makes a slinkity sound?
A spring, a spring, a marvelous thing! Everyone knows it’s Slinky.
Corby: Welcome to the show Slinky.
Slinky: Thank you for having me.  Sorry I was so hard to get hold of.
Corby: Well, you are a Slinky, right?  It would be hard to get hold of you!
Slinky: …
Corby: Okay.  So Slink.  May I call you “Slink”?
Slinky: No, you may not.
Corby: Very well. (coughs.)  Slinky.  You made your debut Christmas, 1945, just months after World War 2 had ended.  What was that like?
Slinky: Corby, it was a unique time in our nation to say the least.  The war was still fresh on the minds of the American people, and then I hit the stores that Christmas.  America needed something to lift their spirits.  Something to make them smile again.  Something…something that would say, “America is back on top!”
Corby: Are you saying that you were the answer?
Slinky: (nods.)
Corby: Those are pretty big words Slinky.
Slinky: Well, you have a pretty big butt.  Probably from sitting in your (uses finger quotes.) “seat of power” all day, every day.
Corby: Easy Slink…
Slinky: I said, do not call me “Slink!”.
Corby: Okay, easy Slinky.  Obviously you are wound up tonight.
Slinky: …
Corby: Let’s fast forward and talk about a touchy subject.  It is what was referred to as “the fall heard around the world”.  Do you know what I am talking about?
Slinky: …
Corby: I am talking about little Billy Rutger.  It was reported that you pushed him down the stairs.  Not the other way around like it was supposed to be.
Slinky: (Finger quotes again.)  “Supposed to be”?!  What do you mean?
Corby: Some say you flipped Slinky.  Some say you got tired of being pushed down endless flights of stairs and that you decided to turn the tables.  Did you push Billy Rutger down the stairs?
Slinky: …
Corby: Slinky…
Slinky: I don’t need this %@#*!  (slinks out of chair and rips off his headphones.)  You are going to hear from my lawyer Corby.  Or should I say (finger quotes.) “CORB!“  (throws his chair through the control room glass and slinks down the stairs.)
Corby: Well, there you have it folks.  Slinky.  A spring, a spring, a marvelous thing.  Marvelous?  Maybe dangerous.  We’ll be back after this important announcement.

Announcer: We hope you’ve enjoyed Where are They Now? with host, Corby Tender.  If you have lost track of someone or something through the years, contact our 1010 WKEV studios and let us know.  You can e-mail us at 11ty@kevinkeigley.com or leave your comment below.

Announcer: You are listening to 1010, WKEV FM.  Up next, Where are They Now? with host, Corby Tender.

Corby: Welcome to Where are They Now? I am your host, Corby Tender, and joining me in the studio is Lite Brite.
(Plays jingle.) Light Brite, making thiiiings with liiiight.  What a sight, making things with Lite Brite.
Corby: Hello Lite Brite, welcome to the show.
Lite Brite: (Putting out cigarette.) Thanks.  (Coughs.) It’s a pleasure to be here.
Corby: Lite Brite, you were a hit in the 1980′s.  You were being ripped off the shelves at Christmas, and you were number one on every kid’s birthday wish list.  What was that like?
LB: Lemme tell you this — it was a rush.  You can’t begin to imagine how that shot to the top took its toll on me.  I began to get reckless.  My good friend, Etch-a-Sketch, was all like, “Man, you gotta get a grip.  You are moving too fast!”  I punched him in the screen so hard, he couldn’t erase it.  That was the last time we spoke.
Corby: Wow.  So what happened next?
LB: After a while, the kids lost interest in me.  Instead of making cool clown faces with the paper I provided, they started branching out on their own.  They would write (Beginning to cry.) … they would write cuss words… inappropriate designs… (Sobbing.) …I’m sorry.
Corby: It’s okay…let it out.
LB: I just felt so used…
Corby: I’m sure you did.
LB: Anyway, it didn’t take long for me to end up in the back of their closets or…worse…under their beds.  It was so dark.  So dark.
Corby: I am sorry Lite Brite.  I understand things are looking up for you now?
LB: Sort of.  (Lighting another cigarette.) I guess it’s better.  I have a newer look, but I am still the same ol’ toy deep down.
Corby: And you know what Lite Brite?  Deep down inside you is a light bulb.  It has been shining for a long time.  It will keep on shining in the lives of children everywhere.  Do you know why?
LB: (Looking at floor.) Why?
Corby: Because that light that is so bright — is your heart.
LB: (Softly.) Thank you.
Corby: No Lite Brite.  (Whispering.) Thank you.  We’ll be back after this important announcement.

Announcer: We hope you’ve enjoyed Where are They Now? with host, Corby Tender.  If you have lost track of someone or something through the years, contact our 1010 WKEV studios and let us know.  You can e-mail us at 11ty@kevinkeigley.com or leave your comment below.