By writing this post, I could get kicked out the Man Club.
Scenario: You have to attend a social gathering in someone’s home where those attending are primarily families with small children.
Mancode #131: No doubt you will exhaust your conversation tank within 10 minutes. Therefore, head off the inevitable small talk that accompanies sports sim, and get your hands on the smallest baby you can find. Once you have this little bundle of diversion, find a comfy place and settle in. Now, when someone approaches you to chat you up, just pantomime a face that says, “Hee hee… this little tiny angel from heaven is all tuckered out and I am just trying to get this miniature blessing to sleep. So as much as I would love to tell you about what I do for a living, please – just shush.” Make sure this message delivered via facial expressions is followed by a quiet smile.
The best part about the baby accessory is not only does it get you out of annoying conversations on being organic, but it is also a sure-fire way of letting you fall asleep to the praise of most of the party-goers. Once you have soothed the infant smokescreen into a deep slumber, feel free to zonk out. This is one of those rare times in life that falling asleep in public can actually make you an exemplary human being. The mothers will smile, but the men will be kicking themselves knowing their window of opportunity has closed.
A word of caution – though you might be snoozing deeply to the praise and laud of most of the people gathered – don’t drop the baby. Not only will your cover be blown, but you will most certainly have to start answering questions.