By writing this post, I could get kicked out the Man Club.
Scenario: You have to attend a social gathering in someone’s home where those attending are primarily families with small children.

Mancode #131: No doubt you will exhaust your conversation tank within 10 minutes. Therefore, head off the inevitable small talk that accompanies sports sim, and get your hands on the smallest baby you can find. Once you have this little bundle of diversion, find a comfy place and settle in. Now, when someone approaches you to chat you up, just pantomime a face that says, “Hee hee… this little tiny angel from heaven is all tuckered out and I am just trying to get this miniature blessing to sleep. So as much as I would love to tell you about what I do for a living, please – just shush.” Make sure this message delivered via facial expressions is followed by a quiet smile.
The best part about the baby accessory is not only does it get you out of annoying conversations on being organic, but it is also a sure-fire way of letting you fall asleep to the praise of most of the party-goers. Once you have soothed the infant smokescreen into a deep slumber, feel free to zonk out. This is one of those rare times in life that falling asleep in public can actually make you an exemplary human being. The mothers will smile, but the men will be kicking themselves knowing their window of opportunity has closed.
A word of caution – though you might be snoozing deeply to the praise and laud of most of the people gathered – don’t drop the baby. Not only will your cover be blown, but you will most certainly have to start answering questions.

Devendra Banhart, referred to by some as the father of the Freaky Folk movement,  is one of those most interesting artists I have encountered in recent years.  Not only does he materialize some very different, eccentric and sometimes strange music, he is also known for his skills as… well, just a creative type.  That would include, photo, video, illustration, painting and mixed media design.  He was also the first on board with the Yellow Bird Project.

I will say this quite plainly — Devendra Banhart is not for everyone.  While he does make some incredible music that grabs you by the jawbone and throws you against some shag carpet, he can also produce some things that some folks may not dig.

This particular post is focusing on a bit of ear candy called “Baby” from the album What Will We Be.  “Baby” is one of my all time favourites for about a billion reasons.  I am only able to name just a few — I will limit it to 4 (a good number) instead of 10, otherwise I risk losing your attention.
1) It is so smooooooth.  The Rhythm and the beat of the song is quite catchy and easy-going.
2) I think this song can actually make you dance.  While it is not proven, I would dare you to not tap your foot or nod your head whilst listening.  It would only take a little nudge from someone — and you would be a dancing machine.  It would be best played while cooking in the kitchen.
3) The song has the ability to put you in a better mood.  Almost as if you have spent the day at the beach with your dad and he held your trunks while the waves crashed against you.
4) For some strange reason, this song reminds me of touring Israel.  The song is sunny and moving.

Another reason I like Devendra is that he loves Israel.  They were headed there for a tour recently, but had to change plans as you can read the quote from their Music News:

Sometimes a man has to cry.  When he does, people make a big deal out of it.  They say things like, “Wow, he is so sensitive and in touch with himself.”  Others say, “What a big fat baby.  Look at him cry.  KEEP CRYING FAT BABY MAN!  KEEP CRYING!”
I happen to be a real sensitive guy, but I am also a man among men.  Therefore, in order to not draw attention to myself, I have decided to cry all the time.  That way, when I really do need to cry, no one will ever know.

Thomas Kinkade: (Painting a soft woodsy scene.) Hey, look at that guy.  He just smashed his hand in his car door.  Is he crying?  He can’t be.  Look at him.  He is a man if I ever saw one, but still — I can see bone.  He has to be crying.
Matt Damon: (Looking up from the script I just gave him.) Nah.  That’s just what he does.  (Looking back to script.) This guy, Kevin, is a genius.

When I was a kid, I can remember thinking that I was a superhero.  My reasoning was logical.  Whenever I experienced a ringing sensation in my ears, I assumed that it was some sort of Superhero Detection System, or SDS, alerting me to someone in need.  The only problem was that I apparently had not learned to use my powers.  Apparently, I was not yet a mature superhero.  My Person-in-Distress Receptors, or PDR, failed to tell me where the victim was.  That led to extreme prepubescent frustration.  I remember running through my house trying to notice any change in the ringing.  I would assault my parents with helpful questions thinking that maybe they needed help of some kind.  Now that I think about it, maybe they needed help with their batty kid.  I guess that made me the hero and the villain.

While being the hospital for the birth of my son, Otto, I had time to think and a little time to wander the halls whilst on a water run.  I noticed that all of the rooms were numbers and had braille to help the visually impaired identify the rooms.  Upon further inspection, I noticed that the room numbers as well as the braille was a computer printout — the braille was not raised as it should have been.  That makes as much sense as braille on a drive-thru ATM.

One of the best things in the world: when you see your newborn baby and he steals your heart
One of the worst things in the world: when your heart is stolen by an organ harvester

Nothing celebrates a new child more than pulling this out of the oven…

…again, thanks Jane.

For the lazy reader: The following entry is asking the age old question — why are grown-ups not allowed to act like babies?  Kevin makes no attempt to shed any rational thought on the subject.  If you read this because you are a lazy reader, you should probably go ahead and read the blog entry since it is about the same length as this summary.  The author apologizes for any energy exerted needlessly.

Why are babies able to get away with crazy stuff and grown-ups can’t?  Is it because they are cute?  Is it because they are just tiny awkward versions of us and we find that irresistible?  What’s the deal?

Babies can cry whenever they want.  They can throw their food and their toys — even at another person.  They can use the bathroom on themselves.  Babies can also sleep at any moment they desire — in fact, it is encouraged.  If things don’t go their way, they don’t have to get over it or even suck it up.

Have you ever tried any of those things?   Don’t.  Especially in public.  I can hear the cops now — “Take ‘em away boys!  But watch out, he’s wearing a diaper.”