Not far from our home, in lovely Asheville, North Carolina, stands historic Biltmore Estate.
In 1895, George Vanderbilt had the 250 room home that has 4 acres of floor space constructed. It was a marvel then and it is to this day.
Every Christmas, adults will pay $70 to walk through and look at stuff in and around the estate.

In order to offset holiday expenses and to begin saving for my gold-plated carriage pulled by a team of unicorns, I have decided to also open my home for Christmas tours. See the list of some of the attractions and features below:

ESTATE
House
The house was built in 1901 by some guy and his friends. During its construction that took time, certainly someone became thirsty and someone else fetched water from the old well. That person who was thirsty, became happy again and went back to work at some point. The house was finally completed and there it stood and still stands. Today, it needs some paint on the outside but still possesses the same charm that guy first intended.
Sometimes, the current resident will sit on the front patio and play olde tyme songs on his non-Martin guitar.
To even listen: $50

Grounds
On the sprawling 24-acres, you will find lots of trees that are tall. They are also mostly made of wood and leaves. A few original agricultural-esque buildings still stand. Some are even sort of leaning!
Feel free to wander the land and take in the sights.
To take in sights: $50

For the Kids
What family is complete without a few little ones running about? Meet our kids and experience the magic.
Our children are very kind and have been instructed how to make correct change.
To engage children: $50/child (6 child minimum to avoid jealous outbreak)

Christmas Festiveness
What trip to our estate would be complete without enjoying a taste of Christmas magic? While visiting, you will enjoy seeing a Christmas tree (decorated with 1 strand of lights for efficiency and because that’s all we had! – feel free to make it an interactive experience by leaving gifts!), stockings hung by the chimney with care, a few Santa sculptures (none kneeling at the manger here!) and some burning candles.
Sometimes, Santa Claus himself will make a visit. It really depends on Gary (plays the role of St. nick), his schedule and if he is willing to dye his hair again. Last time, we had to use Clorox and some got in his mouth while we were on the patio. He said that it “tasted like burning” and he has been tough to reach here of late. But don’t let that keep you from waiting in line to see him!
To enjoy Christmas: $50
To enjoy Santa (if Gary shows): $175

ADMISSION
Cost
For your convenience, there is only one fee!
Newborn – almost deceased: $70 per person
Pets are allowed for small fee of only $68 per non-edible animal.
(Admission price is in addition to the attraction prices that were conveniently listed above.)

Happy Christmas and we hope to see you soon!
Please make reservations in the comment section.

Check out these selected posts from the KevinKeigley.com archive.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a Christmas tree this time of year?  The other evening, as I passed a lonely and dismal tree lot, I counted my blessings that I am not a Christmas tree.  It just so happens that there were actually ten blessings I counted — and here is why there were ten sweet, sweet blessings:

1. The very instant I am finally having the time of my life, someone would come out with a saw and cut me down with much brutality.
2. No one could hear me scream or tell great jokes.
3. Riding in a truck bed, doing 60 mph in freezing temperatures while my needles are being ripped off is no way to ride.
4. Upon arrival at the Christmas tree marketplace, a guy would hack away at my severed trunk to “even me out.”
5. I would be placed among the other dying trees that no one can hear while they are screaming or telling relevant holiday jokes.
6. People would walk by and shake their heads at me in a disapproving manner.
7. Some drunk guy on Christmas eve would cuss something at me in a angry fashion, then I would be bound up, placed again in a cold truck bed, and sent down the frozen road.
8. Once in their ramshackle trailer, more limbs would be hacked off, then screws would be twisted into my base as I am positioned carefully between a Confederate flag and a nativity scene made of plastic.
9. I would be adorned with burdensome trinkets of varying sizes and varying Happy Meal toys.
10. a) I would either die of thirst and spontaneously explode or  b) slowly die of thirst and be set along the road only to be picked up by yet another truck that will take me to the junkyard.

What would be the worst thing to happen to you if you were, in fact, a Christmas tree at Christmastime?