On a recent business trip to Myrtle Beach, I found my bed for the week to be on a sleeper sofa.
While I was grateful to not be sleeping on a bed made of broken glass, I came away with some pros and cons of the
sleeper sofa guest experience.

PROS
1. You have a bed and someone loved you enough to not make you sleep outside.
2. …that’s about it

CONS
1. We all know about the paper thin mattress, so there is no need to beat a dead horse (though oft times I would rather sleep on a bloated equine than a sleeper unit).
2. There is also no need to mention the bar that would slice you in half were it not for the paper thin mattress being a buffer.
3. The shame of feeling like a disheveled slob as you awaken to find your hosts up early making you breakfast.
4. Discovering that your hosts last used the hideaway bed for their hair, crumb, candy and popcorn kernel party.
5. Having to reorder the entire living room before the day can proceed because your possessions are smattered everywhere, along with the cushions and relocated coffee table.

The Nasty Little Challenge Rating (1 = disturbing, 5 = disturbing and may cause nightmares, 10 = disturbing, nightmare-causing and most likely to induce vomiting):

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Sometimes people send me a photo that is so shocking, that I can scarcely post it.  Sometimes, the story that accompanies the photo is even more shocking.  This is one of those photos with one of those stories.
This photo was submitted by friend, David Blackwell.
Just look at it.
Seriously.
Look at it.
See how she gestures with with fingers that have been made into nubs by the many times they have been shut a door whilst in pursuit of someone?  Look at the lazy-eye that waits to wink at you as soon as you turn around.  Look at the hair, tattered and sparse from many altercations with kids whose parents don’t believe their stories.  And that red splotch.  What the heck is that David?
But what makes this one a 10, is the fact that David tells me that doll stands in the living room of his parent’s house.

What could this doll be thinking?

If you have a photo of a Nasty Little Doll you would like the world to see, send it to me at 11ty@kevinkeigley.com and I will do my best to not vomit in horror.

Of all of my friends with beards, David Blackwell has the strongest, meanest, fullest and loudest beard I know.  David is a burly man, quick with a word and quick with a hammer.  He is skilled in many of the ancient arts — but his greatest skill is that of beard growing.  I think that he can grow a full beard in 5 seconds.  I almost witnessed it once, but I fainted from beholding its glory.

Me: David, it happens to be the month of November.  Do you know what is special about this month?

David: I do, It is No-Shave November.

Me: Ladies and gentlemen, let it be known that David Blackwell is a Beardy.  He’s got quite a beard.  He commented the other day that his beard is so thick that when he leans his head down… [to David] your beard does what to your bottom lip?

David: It just kind of gets in there.  Kind of pokes me in the mouth a little bit — pokes me in the chest [gestures to chest] area.

Me: So your beard is dangerous, that is what you are trying to say?

David: Violent and dangerous.

Me: David, you look like you had a beard when you were 4.  Do you remember when you first started sprouting facial hair?

David: [Laughs at the very notion of having a beard when he was 4 years of age] I definitely remember when I started sproutin’ facial hair.  8th grade was the first time I shaved, so I probably started budding out little Goldilocks hairs around the 7th grade.

Me: So did you sport the Thinstache or did you just go with the full beard?

David: Well, I mean there were little hairs everywhere, you know?  It was the beginnings of what I have now.  The first shave — I took it all off.  I didn’t leave the Crustache to hang around there at all.

Me: 8th grade is pretty early to start sprouting a nice set of beard hairs.  Did some of your male friends at the time — were they jealous of your facial hair or were they about the same as you?

David: You know, I don’t know…  I feel like I was maybe one of the first in my group of friends to start shaving.  But they all followed suit shortly thereafter.  I mean, you know, when the fuzz starts glowing in the sun — it’s time to do something about it.

Me: What do you find the most troubling about having a beard other than the occasional hair in your mouth?

David: I would say the answer’s gotta be two-fold… One big problem I am having here lately — with the length of my beard — are the random pokes I get around the neck area — the chest.  Just feeling hair touch you in places that you’ve never felt before… is quite an odd thing.

Me: [Raucousing amounts of ludicrous laughter]

David: Part number two is — I am sure you’ve heard this before — trying to eat things.  Cheese dip.  For chips.  Like chips and salsa.  A little queso or something… The other day, I rub my face at the end of the day — had pancakes for breakfast — I’ve got dried syrup in my beard.  No one told me about that.  Do you know how hard it is to get dried syrup out of a beard like this [gestures to beard]?

Me: I do know, because I too have a beard.  I also know the effects of dairy on a beard — where you get the old milk smell.  When you kind of purse your lip up and you can smell your ‘Stache?  It’s pretty gross.

David: It’s absolutely disgusting.  That’s kind of a fear I have.  That the hair on my lip and around my mouth will smell and I will be in a place where I can’t get it off…

Me: …or it will be so bad that people will actually smell your beard.

David: [Nods approvingly]

Me: Do you have any words of encouragement for our fellow Beardies out there that might be on the fence about No-Shave November?

David: I’ve found that one of the greatest benefits of having a beard is that it’s better than having a concealed weapons permit.  The safety that it gives you — the confidence that you can walk around knowing that you have something that some men just frankly cannot and will not ever have.

Me: Wow.  Thanks David.

David: Yep — no problem Kev.

To get to all of the pearls of wisdom from my chat with David Blackwell, click below for the full interview.

My job allows for some creative freedom. It also allows me to dress up as some bush league cop with a blundering sidekick. The video below is a rough edit of a recent project that thousands of kids will see this summer.

Just so you know, that is not my actual voice and those are not my actual pants.  I purchased both of them at Goodwill.  The fellow that plays my sidekick is the hilarious David Blackwell, a very good friend of mine and fellow coffee connoisseur.

We make a great pair and we could really get some stuff done …

The footage was shot and edited by my good friend, Micah Taylor.