What happened to normal orange juice?
Can you tell me?
Remember the days of saying, “I’ll have a glass of OJ” and that was enough?
Now there is pulp-free, extra pulp, Vitamin D enriched, citrus stand, ad nauseum…

As long as we are providing more options than we need, let’s throw a few more in there:

1. SPAM – Now with Only 50% Pig Lips and Cow Anus

2. Fruity Pebbles – Extra Shellac to Produce More Cavities in Less Time Than Before

3. Dolls – Evil Spirit Free! (Bottle of Holy Water Included Just In Case!)

4. Popcorn – Every Kernel Now Becomes a Gold Nugget (Kids, Don’t Eat ‘Em – Give ‘Em to Mom and Dad Immediately!)

5. Dasani – Super Power Enriched (Choose Between Flying or Eye Lasers)

What products should come with options?
What would they be?

The Nasty Little Challenge Rating
01 = disturbing
05 = disturbing and may cause nightmares
10 = disturbing, nightmare-causing and most likely to induce vomiting

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

I give this one an 8 on the Nasty Little Challenge Scale.
This one was sent to me by my e-friend, Nick Radford.

I can’t believe the horror that enveloped me upon first seeing this image.
I called this one “Robo Doll.”
You can tell that someone, long ago, got some crazy idea to try and bring this doll to life.
Look at its intricate inner workings.
Look at the nasty grate in its chest where it barked some sort of hellish phrases like, “You are most certainly not aces!” and “I have seen better skin on a gripsack that was left out all night then gathered in the forenoon.”
Makes me shudder to think about it.
And look at those exposed Robo Doll legs and those little Robo Doll booties.
You know that they have danced many a jig in a dark closet whilst waiting for people to go to sleep.

I wonder what is in that little can she is protecting?

If you have a photo of a Nasty Little Doll you would like the world to see, send it to me at 11ty@kevinkeigley.com and I will do my best to not vomit in horror.

(Click on the photo for a better view)
The Nasty Little Challenge Rating (1 = disturbing, 5 = disturbing and may cause nightmares, 10 = disturbing, nightmare-causing and most likely to induce vomiting):

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ?

I don’t quite know what to do with this one.
To be that close to all of those dolls would surely make my skin crawl.  I would be so freaked out because I know that I would feel one of them move or hear their nasty little breathing in my ear.
But what I think is more disturbing than the pile of dolls… is Nona.
What is Nona doing?
Who thought that would be a great idea?
What person allowed someone to paint on Nona’s cheeks?
That is disturbing.
I score this one a big fat question mark — ?.

…and someone get Nona out of there before the weight of the dolls cracks her bones!

(Thanks to my morbid sister for hooking me up with this one — if you have a gross doll, snap a pic and read about my Nasty Little Challenge)

If you could write a caption for this photo, what would it be?
What would Nona Slattery be thinking?
What kind of freaky DVD project could they be working on?

The other day I was in a local store, when I heard a strange rustling sound behind me.
I heard giggles and a sound like plastic scurrying on linoleum.
Then I heard, “Let’s get him!”
I turned around and this is what I saw…

Good thing I turned around in time (as dolls usually freeze when you look at them).  Had I not, those nasty little dolls would have been all over me – -biting at my heals and neck.
Gag.
Nasty little things.

Don’t forget — if you have found some nasty little images of some nasty little dolls, send them to me for the Nasty Little Challenge.

Have you ever wanted to have your own paper dolls that depicted characters from famous movies that featured dancing?
Neither have I.
But, if you did, boy howdy — did I find the book for you.

That’s right — it’s Famous Movie Dance Stars (Paper Dolls). You can even click on each photo to see it in brilliant 2D!

Have you ever wanted to play with a paper Kevin Bacon or a paper Lori Singer from the hit movie Footloose?
Got ‘em.

Don’t you love how their heads are eerily floating above their paper bodies?
Me too.
What is that?  How about Dirty Dancing?
Got that one too.

Ol’ Pat Swayze and Jennifer Grey have never looked more graceful.
But what about the famous scene from Scent of a Woman with Al Pacino and that other girl?

Give them an Oscar.

What other characters should be featured in paper doll form?

I have heard of this place.
I actually watched a short documentary on it.
When my friend (Lee Andrews) sent me a link to this site, it sealed the deal — I am never going to The Island of the Dolls.
Could you imagine?
Horrifying dolls everywhere (see the photo below for one example)?
My body wanting to explosively emit various types of matter from every orifice at all times?
No thanks.

Also, don’t forget my Nasty Little Challenge.

If there were an island of something — anything, what would it be to make you never want to visit?

I love great animation.
I hate dolls.
This short film was brought to my attention by my good friend Jesse.
Thanks Jesse.
I think.

Okay.  Before you develop opinions about me, I understand the philosophy behind this one.  I get it — in theory.  It doesn’t change the fact that it still creeps me out.  I am not even going to apply this one to the scale.  Just let it speak for itself.  But please tell me if it starts talking.

Thank you for submitting this one David Buckner.  Thank you for making we walk this fine line of taste and horror.

(Click on the photo for a better view if you dare.)
The Nasty Little Challenge Rating (1 = disturbing, 5 = disturbing and may cause nightmares, 10 = disturbing, nightmare-causing and most likely to induce vomiting):

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

This was quite possibly the worst and most creative one to date.  This experience was the fruit of some good and crafty friends.  Once again, in the early morning light, I went out to go for a run.  I open the door to my Tahoe and BOOM!  There are these nasty little freaking dolls scattered about the interior.  One was belted safely in the driver’s seat.  Another was belted in the back.  Yet another one was tucked neatly in the visor.  Others turned up in various places.  As I yanked them out cussing mildly under my breath, I noticed that there were numbers on their heads.  At that point, I had located 3 of 6.  So, this amazing and horrific adventure unfolded over the course of 3 days.  This one gets a 10 on the Nasty Little Challenge scale for numerous reasons.  Thanks to Chris, Ben and Lauren for making my Tahoe into a graveyard for jacked-up dolls.  Watch out.
I am glad that I didn’t get pulled over for anything — I would have been arrested on the spot for suspicious behaviour.

Do you have any sicko friends that like to play psychological games too?

This nasty little doll photo was submitted by my friend Wallace Branin.

The Nasty Little Challenge Rating (1 = disturbing, 5 = disturbing and may cause nightmares, 10 = disturbing, nightmare-causing and most likely to induce vomiting):
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Wallace said that he saw this doll at an auction.  You know why he is at an auction?  Because he has taken out another entire family and is in need of a new family to destroy.  I wonder how much was paid for him at the auction, but more importantly, where is the family today that made the purchase?

Look at his nasty little smile and his nasty little killing-worn fingers.  A 7 on my Nasty Little Challenge scale.

If you have a photo of a Nasty Little Doll you would like the world to see, send it to me.