Man has been given a precious gift.
Even if the top of his head stops producing hair, stop agonizing – his face will continue to produce a beard.
What an amazing gift, yes?
But sometimes, even the most manly of men need to be reminded to trim the gift that keeps on giving.
So how do you know it’s time to trim?

1. If you find yourself constantly chewing your facial hair whilst chewing any food.
2. If you reach up to scratch your head, but whilst raising your arm, you are impeded by your lavish and lush facial follicles.
3. If your comb-over starts at your jaw line.
4. If you have to pin your beard back to smile for photos on a windy day.
5. If following every bathroom break, you have to move your beard out of the way so that it does not get caught in your zipper.
6. If you have decided to stop wearing all of those “frustrating clothes” because “you are now wearing nature’s robe”.
7. If you find that other people are chewing your facial hair whilst chewing any food.
8. If your beard has ever blown out the window during a leisurely drive through the English countryside.

What are some other indicators that your beard is too long?

Just something I created to convey a little bit of truth.

In recognition of all of you that are trying to stick to the rule of No-Shave November (the simple rule that states: don’t shave your beard), I have a couple bits of ear candy that focuses on our follicles and also tickles our ears (like our beard hairs oft times do).

Clem Snide is described as being somewhat of an alt-country band.  I honestly don’t hear it.  What I do hear is a serene and a melodic stream of music that flows like a newly discovered creek that runs through a dense forest.
I adore their song of stubble called Beard of Bees. It is a gentle love song.  Burn the Light is another amazing offering by Clem Snide .

Neil Halstead also has a song for those with fuzzy faces.  In Baby, I Grew You a Beard, the British folk singer creates an ethereal tune focusing on growing his beard for the girl he loves.  What a lucky gal, yes?
Yes.
He also has another great tune called Elevenses. I loved it for the title.  I bought it and it gets a lot of play on my trusty iPod.

So, how is No-Shave November coming for those of you participating?
Maybe you are a dude that wants November to go all year long…
Maybe you are a lady reaping the enormous benefits of having a man with a sweet beard…  Maybe you are a lady ready for December…
Whatever the case — let your beard bashing/blazoning begin!

Fact: Beards are bulletproof
Fact: Beards lend themselves to instant trustworthiness

Thanks to a good friend of mine, Ben Brown, I now can hit people up for millions of dollars.  I can ask to borrow their car for extended periods of time.
I can wave a loaded gun through the air and no one will be concerned…thanks to my beard.
That’s right.
A recent study shows that among bearded and clean-shaven men, fellow Beardies were generally deemed more credible, had greater expertise and significantly more trustworthy than Slickface McGhees.
That being said, can I borrow a few bucks?  I am good for it (wink).

It is not very often that I get the chance to actually speak with someone of such renown.  Nate Rector has been mentioned in nearly every episode of The Trouble with Beards.  Every reference has to do with his amazing beard abilities.  Today, you get to experience the man, the myth — the beard.
By the way, Nate sounds pretty jacked-up at first because I had him put on headphones and listen to his own voice with a slight delay.  The effect is hilarious — he sounds like he has some serious problems.

Me: You have a beard, and you’ve been a topic of discussion before on The Trouble with Beards — Tyler Stanton and I have talked about you, maybe Walter Howard and I — the main focus, the main thrust where you always come up is the Wraparound.  Can you tell us what the Wraparound is?

Nate: (Laughing hysterically at his own voice.) I can.  I have the unfortunate blessing of being able to connect my beard hair with my neck hair.  The barber has to make a decision when he’s trimming my neck (More laughter.) …sorry.  Sorry.  About…wheneezee… (Again, more laughter.) Alright.  …about when he’s done trimming my neck and when he’s begun trimming my back.  It’s pretty embarrassing.

Me: So you take your shirt off at the barber?

Nate: No, but the neck of my crew necks does get stretched out.   A lot — as the barber just goes further and further south…(Voice trails.)

Me: Yikes.  So, it sounds like you get some pretty personal treatment from your barber.

Nate: I do.  Umm…uhh…hot…it’s not whipped cream, shaving cream, right?

Me: Wow.

Nate: (Laughter rising.) …and some whipped cream… Uh, Hal is — he’s got soft hands.  So he puts it on my neck and does a straight razor shave (Overwhelmed  with giddiness.)…

Me: Again, a reminder, Nate is hearing his voice on delay.  That’s why he sounds insane.

Nate: (Lots of grinning and nodding.)

Me: Nate, how do you determine where your beard line is?  You do have a Wraparound, but you are a Connector as well — where your chest hair will come up and shake hands with your beard.

Nate: I am a proud Connector.  Um, I joooish…that was funny…I just shave low enough so that there aren’t any escapees from my t-shirts.

Me: And escapees are?

Nate: Long hairs a la Burt Reynolds — that are creeping out of my shirt.

Me: So you just don’t want chest hair poking out of the top of your t-shirt — that’s what you are saying?

Nate: Right.

Me: You’ve probably had facial hair for a very long time.  I am guessing you started shaving in the 2nd grade — you are that burly.  What are some of the things that you’ve found particularly troubling with your beard?

Nate: Just for the record — I also, in addition to a beard, regularly French-kissed in 2nd grade as well.  Whuzz… (Voice trailing.)

Me: That’s an interesting side note.

Nate: I was kind of a lady-killer, know what I mean?

Me: Because you had a ‘stache in the 2nd grade?

Nate: Irresistible.

Me: Mhmm…

Nate: I forgot the question.

Me: Trouble with beards…what trouble have you experienced with your beard?

Nate: (Attempting to answer.) …can I get rid of these headphones now?

Me: Go ahead and take them off.

Nate: (Taking off headphones.) Everybody answers with the stock answer of “itchiness”, and you do have to power through that.  Everybody has to establish a jaw-line — where they are going to shave.  I actually have to establish a cheek-line as well.  I actually shave in between my eyes and my beard.

Me: So you have whiskers to the tops of your cheekbone?

Nate: Right, so I have to pick a good spot for a nice thick beard that doesn’t look like a chinstrap beard on my cheeks.

Me: Wow.  See, these are the things that regular folk are unaware of.  They pass people with beards all the time, and they never consider the trouble they go to just to step out the door — just to get themselves together in the morning.  So do you trim your beard every morning?  Is that sort of your morning routine?  And if you don’t, do you have whiskers on your eyelids?

Nate: I trim every 2 or 3 days, depending on how sloppy I am willing to look that day.  No out of control whiskers — I just look homeless if I don’t take care of it.

Me: I can see how that would happen.  Because you, like many other Beardies — not like me, but other Beardies have the uncanny ability to willingly make their facial hair grow.  I cannot.  The hair you see on my face, I started in September.  I still look like I have the mange, would you agree?

Nate: (Laughing at my sparse and inadequate beard.) Yes.  Yes.  It’s a championship beard for a 16-year old.  It’s wonderful.

Me: Well, you stink Nate.  Thanks a lot.

Nate: I don’t know what to say.

Me: That was a perfect ending.

To get to all of the jewels out of this conversation with Nate, double-click below for the full interview.

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Fact: Bearded men live on average 100% longer than anyone else
Fact: Bearded men must consider the length of their beard when they get a haircut

There is nothing worse for a Beardy who has been sporting his beard for some time than to get a refreshing haircut and enter immediately into a public setting.  Not only is he in a weakened state from having his hair cut, but he is also susceptible to quiet ridicule.  The quiet ridicule takes place when people notice that your hair to beard ratio is way off.  Sometimes, on a lot of Beardys, it can appear as though someone grabbed your head and twisted it upside down.  This is when the hair on your beard is longer and shaggier than the hair on your head.  In beard communities, we call this the Twisted It Upside Down Syndrome, or TIUDS for short.  Most Beardys just say “TUDS”  because to say “TIUDS” just sounds ridiculous.
So remember TIUDS and keep your quiet ridicule to yourself.  Give the Beardy time to make it home and trim and serenely comb his/her face.

I sat down with Jody “Shoebox” Deming one Fall afternoon, and he began to muse upon life, liberty and the pursuit of beards.  His surely is a noble quest as you will find for yourself.

Me: Jody, you are a fellow Beardy, true?

Jody: That is true.

Me: In the length of time that I have known you, this is the first time I have seen you with such an extensive beard.  When did you find that you could start growing a beard?

Jody: (A sheep runs through the room)  When I was 12 years old.

Me: 12 years old?  Did you start growing a beard when you were 12 or did you start with a moustache?

Jody: I had the thin 12 year old moustache for quite a while.  I actually could have shaved and had the beard but I just figured, “No, I will just go with the 12 year old moustache.”  All the chicks were digging it back then.

Me: In beard communities we call that the Thinstache.

Jody: The Thinstache.  That’s exactly right.

Me: Jody, you have talked of a dilemna recently.  You normally shave your head, but you have a beard now.  Have you made any sort of decisions about that?

Jody: I am thinking about being the “shaved head guy with a beard” — that may happen tonight.

Me: I look forward to seeing that tomorrow.

Jody: I live on the edge.

Me: What have you noticed that is troubling about having a beard?

Jody: The traditional troubling thing with beards is the food — that gets caught in here (points to face).  Sometimes I’ll eat a hamburger and a little cheese will get caught in my beard and it just drives me crazy. Where is that cheese smell coming from?

Me: It’s from your face.

Jody: Most of the time.

Me: Have you done any sort of calculating — have you found that you save money by growing a beard instead of shaving?

Jody: I am actually now a millionaire.

Me: So would you recommend that people grow beards?

Jody: No.

Me: Thank you.

For the full interview, double-click below for your listening pleasure.

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People think that it is easy having a beard.  They think that life is a walk in the park.  They think that things come easy to bearded folk just because we have hair on our faces.  The general public thinks that people with beards possess magic and have pet dragons.  I beg to differ.
In the coming weeks, I plan to discuss the trouble with beards — the highs and the lows of being a man with an abundance of hair on his face.
I would also like to give you a chance to contribute.  If you are dude (or a brave girl) and you have a beard and a story, please send proof of both.
It is time for us to speak.