Everyone loves Thanksgiving (unless you are an alien or prone to fits of unthankfulness). But lets cut to the chase – everyone loves to eat, but no one really likes cooking for eleventy million people.
Here are 5 unresearched and unscientific methods that will get you out of your cooking duties.
1. Put Band-Aids all over the area surrounding your mouth. No one will want you within 30 yards of the kitchen, and when it’s time to eat – no one will steal anything from your plate.
2. Incessantly drop hints that cooking in the kitchen reminds you of how you were once ordered to put poison in the enemies rations when you were in the war. If anyone brings up the fact that you never served, drop to the floor in a sort of fetal position.
3. Carry the raw turkey in your arms and talk to it. From the very moment your guests arrive, carry it and try to soothe it. When the initial laughter dies, keep on a’carrying.
4. Systematically break every piece of glassware in the kitchen until you are physically removed by members of your family or your guests.
5. After your guests have arrived and have begun to murmur about not smelling turkey, enter their midst brandishing a sword and inform them that everyone can follow you to Waffle House.
What might be some other sure-fire ways to shirk your cooking responsibilities for all of your Thanksgiving festivities?
(Oh – and Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!)