Should I be concerned?  Should I be worried?  My all-time favourite pizza is Donatos, and I am beginning to wonder if they have altered their delicious ingredients.   If they have changed their recipe, it does not agree with my system.  Every single time I alone eat an entire large pizza (original crust, green olives and pepperoni), here is what happens:

• Usually an hour after eating, I develop an unquenchable thirst and find myself drinking gallons of water
• I develop a bloated feeling that can be painful
• I feel nauseous
• I feel as though my blood has changed into some sort of salty solution
• I am pretty sure I sweat pepperoni juice
• I find it hard to sleep, usually waking up in the middle of the night feeling as if my heart is trying to pass a grapefruit through my pulmonary artery
• I experience a temporary loss of appetite

If you have insights regarding the apparent new recipe for Donatos pizza or if you have any thoughts about a medical condition I may have, please do not hesitate to let me know.

One of the best things in the world: when you see your newborn baby and he steals your heart
One of the worst things in the world: when your heart is stolen by an organ harvester

This is embarrassing, but it is true.

When I was a kid, I used to think that your kidneys looked like white Hershey Kisses and were located in your shoulder area.  I also thought that your feelings resided in your teeth — your sadness or happiness could actually be located in your molars.  If that was not bad enough, I also thought that the complex inner workings of your body consisted of a long tube that went down to your stomach — no doubt having watched many indigestion commercials.  Last but not least, I would like to thank many Valentine’s Day card exchanges for my understanding of the elaborate heart that kept me alive.  Also, thanks to the Pledge of Allegiance for causing me to think that my heart was where my left lung hangs out.  For any clarification, please see the diagram below.