Posts Tagged ‘names’

Nicknames

When you were growing up, were you known for something awesome? Did your pals say, “Hey! Here comes ol’ [enter cool name based upon something you do]!” Did you have a moniker on the back of your intramural jersey?
If you answered “no” to these questions – you need a nickname.
Today, I offer you tips on acquiring a nickname that will stick.

1. Set something on fire.
This works especially well if your name starts with the letter “P.” For example, “Pyro Pete.” See how easy it is?

2. Start signing official documents with your desired nickname.
Nothing gets the attention of people of note faster than when you sign your foreclosure with “Hot Rod McDonald.” Hey – they might even let you keep your house!

3. Have custom printed t-shirts made.
This one is tricky. After having these shirts made, you’ll want to wear them all the time. Even at your fancy law office. It may cost you your job, but hey – what is it worth to you?

4. Forge newspaper articles with Photoshop about your high school exploits
This is cake. If you are a monkey you could do this. And, you can create some fun memories to share in the process – especially how “Streak” scored that goal in the last few seconds.

Good luck with your journey to nickname infamy.
If you have any other ideas, leave them here!

YES, EVEN MORE Made Up Names That Make Me Laugh


1. Whizz McGiggle

2. Willis Hootnanny

3. Pant McCracken

4. Luce Ruptip

5. Jame Vaandergaard

Do you have any made up names that make you laugh/chuckle/guffaw/giggle?
Could you provide a short bio for any of the “people” listed above?

The Answers Part 1

Recently in a post, I asked you to ask me a few questions.
I have compiled them below with my answers.
While thousands of you asked me for money, candy and kidneys, please know that I was legally not able to follow through with your requests.
Too much red tape.

Joe asks: Why do I keep forgetting to take my cereal bowl to the kitchen in the mornings after I get done catching up on my google reader?
Great question, Joe. The reason you leave your cereal bowl is so when your wife asks, “Are there any more dishes before I start the dishwasher?” you can say, “No.” That way, when she discovers the bowl almost immediately after having started the dishes, she will smile to herself and remember how hilarious you are with all of your jokes.
It is also because of the dangerous mind-altering radio waves emitted from Google reader.

Rhonda asks: I would LOVE a complete breakdown of all of your children’s complete names. what does each and every element mean to you and Lacey? Bonus question – when you use the Queen’s English in your writings, does it somehow make you feel superiour (LOL) to the rest of us? Yeah – that’s what I thought…
Riley Amber Cook – Riley is our eldest, and we had the chance to adopt her whilst living in Virginia. “Riley” was a name we all liked and referenced James Whitcomb Riley, “The Children’s Poet.” Amber Cook is her birth name that we kept.
London Elizabeth Scout – London’s name has roots in my hometown of London, Ohio. “Elizabeth” was based on one of the best human beings I’ve known and who made such an enormous impact on me – my 3rd grade teacher, Elizabeth Kuenzli. It is also Lacey’s middle name. “Scout” is from To Kill a Mockingbird.
Mosely Elliot Claiborne – When Colleen (her birth name) came to live with us at 3 months old, she made strange sounds in the night. They sounded like the noises of an active gremlin. I then called her “Gizmo,” from the movie Gremlins. It was shortened to “Mo,” and when it came time to adopt, I offered the name “Mosely.” “Elliot” is from the amazing Elizabeth Elliot, wife of Jim Elliot, the missionary killed while serving a remote tribe. Claiborne is a family name on Lacey’s side.
Bergen Hawkeye Norton – Bergen got his name from my grandpa, Bergen McDonald. “Hawkeye” is from Last of the Mohicans/M.A.S.H. (which both apply if you know your television/film history about Benjamin Franklin Pierce). It also allows us to call him “Hawke.” “Norton” is Lacey’s mom’s maiden name.
Piper Finnian Willow Lacey – Piper’s name was just light and fun and tiny, like she was (and still is). “Finnian” is from the Irish folk hero, Finn McCool, who sucked his thumb for wisdom. “Willow” is a tender name from a song by Paul McCartney called Little Willow. “Lacey” is… Lacey’s name, but really named after Lacey’s mom’s middle name.
Otto Fox Wilder McDonald – Otto is just an awesome name and a palindrome. It is also graphically pleasing and fun to write like this : oTTo. “Fox” is also another awesome name and keeping with the animal name lineage of the little Keigley boys (Hawk). “Wilder” is from famed author, Laura Ingalls Wilder and also allows us to call him “Wilde Fox.” And as you know now, “McDonald” is a family name.
…whew.
And for the Bonus Question? I will answer more fully in a later post, but know this – It does not make me feel superiour.

Evan asks: Do you even play the keyboard?
Dang straight I do. The keyboard featured in my blog’s banner, belonged to my daughter Riley, and has been sold to an up-and-coming Mozart/Herbie Hancock.

Here are a few answers to some questions you asked.
If you still have a pressing question, click here and lay it down.

Names

What is a name?
Every single day, parents all over the world appoint their child with a moniker.
They ponder and wrestle and pray they make the right choice.
Those parents hope the name they choose will propel their child to greatness versus propelling their child into the nearest locker during their formative years.

In the 1800′s, popular names were:
1. Horace
2. Ernest
3. Cora
4. May

In our time, there are names like:
1. Chad
2. Michael
3. Jennifer
4. Jessica

But what about the future?
What will those names be in 100 years?
I propose the following:

1. Girltron5000*
2. Boytron5000
3. Oprah


What are some of your favourite names?
What names do you think will be popular in the not-too-distant future?

*Thanks to Chase Finch for making me laugh over Chinese and french fries

EVEN MORE Made Up Names That Make Me Laugh


1.  England Dan

2.  Dorf Stoogepill

3.  Limp Gilson

4.  Flossie Molwigner (thanks Emma)

5.  Bjorn Dapples (thanks Jody)

Do you have any made up names that make you laugh/chuckle/guffaw/giggle?
Could you provide a short bio for any of the “people” listed above?

Mancode #384 — Names

As a man, I probably shouldn’t be telling you our secret codes for fear of being kicked out — kicked out of the Man Club.

Scenario: You are at a gathering with some of your friends and as you are trailblazing about your high school glory days, someone addresses you by name.  You have no idea who the person is.

Mancode #384: As a man, you never want to admit you don’t know something.  Even if you are clueless, you must smack of mastery of the subject presented to you.  This also applies when it comes to names.  Never admit to the person that you don’t know their moniker.  Always act as if it has been too long since the last time you saw them.  Your excitement level will distract them for a moment while you fish through names in your head, trying to find their handle.  As you are flipping through your cerebral Rolodex, toss out the following names immediately:  McGhee or McPherson.  These are most likely names that don’t apply and are more commonly used to describe people that are slow or lame (ie. Slowy McGhee or Lamey McPherson).  While you are still searching for their name in your head and making small talk, use familiar terms — for guys, use the words “dude” or “bro.”  If you are slightly more daring, you can also use “Broseph.”  If you happen to be talking to a Joseph, he will be your friend for life.  If you are talking to a girl, use the words “sweetheart” or “babe.”  All clinical research reveals that girls love that.
In the end, if you are unable to draw up their name, leap towards them all wild-eyed screaming, “Dude! Dude!” or “Hey babe, listen to this…” and then immediately launch into a story about your high school baseball/football days.  They will have so much love for you, that they will want everyone around you to hear your story.  They will probably even walk away so that one more person can squeeze in to hear how awesome you were.
Crisis averted.

Are there other proven methods of dealing with this situation?  Are there other methods of distraction?

For more Mancode, click here.

I Wanna Be Like Band Aid

Do you remember ever asking for an adhesive bandage?  Probably not.  I bet you remember asking for a Band Aid.  That is one of the finest examples of branding of which I am aware.  Band Aid has commercials, jingles, print ads and the like, all reminding us of the same thing — when you get cut, you don’t need an adhesive bandage, you need a Band Aid.
It is my desire to be that branded.  The name Kevin will in fact be so branded, that it will replace many of the common words we know today as well as  every name that gives us our identity.

[On a crowded street corner, two friends greet one another as they have for the last 10 years]
Bill: Well good morning, Kevin!  Are you having a Kevin day?
Jordan: Indeed I am Kevin.  This morning, my little Kevin made a Kevin and I was like, “KEVIN!  Why did you do that?”
Bill: (confused and refusing to show it)  That is Kevin, Kevin.  Will you take all of your Kevin out on Kevin?
Jordan: (also confused but beginning to show it)  Uh… not sure yet.  So, I am gonna go Kevin your Kevin.
Bill: (growing angry)  What did you just say to Kevin?
Jordan: (nervous)  I said, “I am gonna go…Kevin your…Kevin”?
Bill: Like Kevin you will.
(Bill reaches for a Kevin and Kevins Kevin right there in front of a large crowd of Kevin)
[Siren noise]
[Fade to black]

Unmentionable Names for the Unmentionables

I think we all have been brought up with unique names for certain things — things that you only talk about amongst family.  Things that aren’t normally discussed in public.  Things for which your family used code words.  I am talking about the unmentionables.  I am talking about the names used to discuss the unmentionables.  The unmentionables are those functions that occur naturally in the life of every person.  The unmentionables are the processes that allow our bodies to break down food and get rid of it.

It was never considered polite to discuss these things openly in public, so my family (namely my Mom) came up with code words so that in any given situation, we could talk about such matters.  As a grown man and considering these names used within the walls of my gentle upbringing, I find myself a bit perplexed.

Example.

Mom:  Kevin, did you just freddy?  Who freddied?  Walt was it you?  I thought I heard you freddy!

Freddy = flatulence

Another example.

Mom:  Aww, do you have to make a sweetie?  Does your belly hurt?  Maybe you have to make a sweetie.  Your freddies are pretty rank — I think your tummy is upset.  Try making a sweetie.

Sweetie = excrement

Later in life, flatulence morphed into “popping and cracking”.  What in the world?

Maybe these things aren’t actually unmentionable — maybe the ludicrous names our parents made up were unmentionable.