By writing this post, I could get kicked out the Man Club.
Scenario: While on a casual week-long survival expedition, you encounter a bear. Being just a short outing, you have only the necessities: nothing but the clothes on your back.
Mancode #327: While some might venture into the woods hoping to never encounter a bear (going so far as to adorning themselves with bells – something that any man with a beard would never do), a real man welcomes the encounter with such wildlife. You see, to a man, a bear encounter is a chance to test his mettle. While you may have been told by the park ranger to never run away from a bear, in one sense – he’s right. Mancode #327 will tell you that the correct approach is to run toward the bear. This action should be accompanied with loud wails and yawps. Usually this is enough to cause the bear to flee in terror, but on the off chance you have encountered a bear with a bit of a bold streak, he may run toward you as well.
The sound of a bearded man’s body colliding with an enraged bear is music the likes of which angels sing. Once you are sufficiently entangled with the bear, you must first whisper in it’s ear that you have respect for it and that you are sorry for what you are about to do. Next, you place both hands on the back of the bear’s hide and pull swiftly (creating an instant coat for yourself). Lastly, you must thank the stunned bear as it “falls asleep” in your arms and as your beard grows even thicker.