By writing this post, I could get kicked out the Man Club.
Scenario: You are forced to engage a small group of strangers for business reasons in a casual environment.

Mancode #53: Most dudes dread being in a small setting with people that are not their “boys”.  When you must be in the presence of strangers for business purposes, it can be especially nerve racking.  To avoid unnecessary awkwardness, there is a foolproof way to engage them without saying a word — it is called Sports Simulation.  This is the simple act of “practicing” your favourite action as it relates to sports.  Most guys resort to the golf swing.  Other guys prefer the swinging of the bat, while yet other guys will shadow box.  All of these are acceptable.  The Sports Simulation is best used when there is a lull in the conversation or when you are trailblazing about your high school glory days.  Use the Sports Simulation tactic carefully, or else you could get drafted by a passing sports agent while you are representing your company in a social setting.  If you sense you are being scouted, stop the Sim immediately and look for fist-bumps from those around you while you howl with maniacal laughter.

I was recently in the market for some underarm odor repellent.  I purchased the first one that I saw.  It happened to be one that best describes me — Swagger.  One morning, after applying said product, I glanced at the back label and suddenly became concerned for my life.

Label says:
For external use only
What happened in history where the manufacturers had to put this jewel on the label?  There are only so many orifices in our bodies, none of which can accommodate a stick of antiperspirant.  Maybe.

Do not use on broken skin
I am pretty sure that if I have broken skin, odor is the least of my concerns.  How do you break skin?

But here was the kicker.

Ask a doctor before use if you have kidney disease
What?  How do my kidneys come into play here?  I am using this antiperspirant correctly, right?

Apply to underarms only
Whew — I am good.  But when will my kidneys explode?

So right there in front of a partially steamed mirror, I decided to go a different route and buy deodorant.  Later that day I purchased one that best describes me — Sport.  Now I may not walk like a man that has it together, but I will kill you in kickball…and maybe not need dialysis.