One of the best things in the world: ripping off your shirt and bursting onto the field after your team won the game
One of the worst things in the world: ripping off your shirt and bursting into a room filled with senior citizens engaged in low-impact aerobics

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This face is creepy.

By writing this post, I could get kicked out the Man Club.
Scenario: You are forced to engage a small group of strangers for business reasons in a casual environment.

Mancode #53: Most dudes dread being in a small setting with people that are not their “boys”.  When you must be in the presence of strangers for business purposes, it can be especially nerve racking.  To avoid unnecessary awkwardness, there is a foolproof way to engage them without saying a word — it is called Sports Simulation.  This is the simple act of “practicing” your favourite action as it relates to sports.  Most guys resort to the golf swing.  Other guys prefer the swinging of the bat, while yet other guys will shadow box.  All of these are acceptable.  The Sports Simulation is best used when there is a lull in the conversation or when you are trailblazing about your high school glory days.  Use the Sports Simulation tactic carefully, or else you could get drafted by a passing sports agent while you are representing your company in a social setting.  If you sense you are being scouted, stop the Sim immediately and look for fist-bumps from those around you while you howl with maniacal laughter.

As a man, I probably shouldn’t be telling you our secret codes for fear of being kicked out — kicked out of the Man Club.

Scenario: Someone asks you a question, and by some fluke, you don’t know the answer.

Mancode #127: First of all, don’t let on that they have asked a question no one thinks about, for that is why you do not know the answer.  Then, after making sure you do not call them out, you’ll want to sigh as if you are thinking of all the many possible ways to respond on their level.  It’s also a good idea to look around and sort of laugh to yourself as if some of the responses would be humourous, if only you could speak in layman’s terms.  When they ask you what is funny, the Mancode Manual suggests you say, “Nah, it’s just…” and then let your voice trail off as you shake your head letting them know they wouldn’t understand anyway.  If none of these tactics kill enough time that would cause the uninformed person to forget they asked a silly question in the first place, then finally you should change the subject.  Use the phrase, “By the way…” and then follow it up with a bit of sports talk.  That way, they feel as if they have led the conversation on to manlier things.

When I was a youngster, there seemed to be a relationship between one’s name and their athletic ability.  Here are the top five names that meant you were destined to be awesome at any sport you played:

1.  D.J.
2.  Corey
3.  T.J.
4.  Sean (pronounced Shawn)
5.  Chad

Here is the top one name that meant you would not be destined to be awesome at every sport you played:

1.  Kevin

As a man, I probably shouldn’t be telling you our secret codes for fear of being kicked out — kicked out of the Man Club.

Scenario: You find yourself in the midst of a group of guys who are talking about sports.  They are particularly focusing on a certain sport and the big game from the night before.  You are clueless because you hate that sport but are too ashamed to admit it for fear of becoming an outcast.

Mancode#73: Don’t say a word and reveal your secret.  Any mumbling or light murmuring you can do while the group is being loud is okay, but don’t get caught.  Just make sure you agree/gesture/wince right along with the guy who has the snazziest shirt.