As a man, I probably shouldn’t be telling you our secret codes for fear of being kicked out — kicked out of the Man Club.
Scenario: You take a new job and your employer leaves you alone for 5 minutes.
Mancode #836: You never want people to think that you don’t know what you are doing. Therefore, always have some papers in your hand because they can double for some official/important documents. You should always have a pen at the ready as well. Having papers and a pen allows you the freedom to move about the office as opposed to standing in one place and therefore exposing your lack of productivity. Once you decide to move, you should move quickly as if you have to get somewhere as soon as possible. It is also a good idea to grimace as if the weight of the world is on your shoulders and all those suckers in their cubicles should be glad that it is you and not them with such responsibility. When you approach a dead end, you should come to an abrupt stop, as if you remembered something — something critical. Then you look hard at your papers, cut your eyes to the side as if you made an important discovery (tap your lower lip with your pen for emphasis), and finally dart away in the opposite direction from whence you came. You should repeat this process until your employer discovers how hard you have been working in their absence.
So people, what have you done to not expose your lack of productivity? …