Tyler Stanton and I have been friends for many years.  We occasionally meet in Commerce, GA.  I call it our Commerce Mandate.  It makes it sounds official as if I have some serious business that needs my attention.  Someone asks, “What are you doing tonight?” and I can say boldly, “I have to attend to a Commerce Mandate.”  They nod in amazement.

(A Starbucks employee just informed us that we have 10 minutes until closing.  I tell her “cool” and Tyler takes a big swill from his cooling coffee)

Me: Tyler, right now you are sporting a pseudo beard.  In the length of time that I’ve known you, I don’t think I have ever seen a fat beard on you.  Is that true?

Tyler: I feel like — I mean we’ve known each other for awhile — I feel like I’ve had a number of beards throughout that time.

Me: No.  Never.  It’s been pretty much this (pointing to Tyler’s chin area).  The beard you are sporting looks like you forgot to shave this morning.

Tyler: I typically shave every fourth day.  Around day 2.5/3, it gets to be pretty awful.

Me: You have the uncanny ability to grow a 3 o’clock shadow.

Tyler: I started shaving when I was probably…11?

Me: Was that out of need or because you wanted to be a “shaver”?

Tyler: A little bit of both.  I think that I thought I was awesome at the time.  I had the ‘stache problem early on.

Me: We call that the Thinstache.

Tyler: Well, I had the Thinstache probably in 5th or 6th grade.  I was an early developer.  I thought I was awesome then…

(The oppressively loud sound of grinding fills the store)

Tyler: …sorry, I can’t concentrate anymore because of the espresso that is being made with 8 minutes left.  I forgot what I was saying.

Me: (Apparently thinking like an Austrailian) No worries.  You are also a Connector too, right?

Tyler: Do you connect?

Me: (Hanging head in shame)  Not at all.

Tyler: Well, you have a bare chest, don’t you?

Me: …yeah…

Tyler: People like Nate [Rector], Walter Howard, Jody — I think all of those guys can relate to what I am going through.  You have to choose a line and just go with it.

Me: You do a blog and I think you did a post about the beard line… you had some equation?

Tyler: It’s an equation that’s quite simple, but I feel like when dads teach their kids to shave, they should have it in their back pocket.

Me: I really didn’t understand the equation.

Tyler: The equation is this:  Beard Line < Jaw Line.  (Goes on to explain equation)  I feel like a bad beard line can make your somewhat fat neck look like a really fat neck.  Nobody wants that.  That’s where I gain weight is the neck region — first.  So whenever I gain weight…

Me: …it goes straight to the neck?

Tyler: (Nodding)  Straight to the neck.  It’s…  The jowell…

Me: That just sounds pretty gross.

Tyler: It’s a problem.

Me: Alright, we’re done here I think.

(Same Starbucks employee approaches our table to inform us that of the easily 2 minutes we actually have remaining, we are now out of time.  I protest and Tyler slowly looks to the floor and offers a sarcastic remark.)

To get to all of the nuggets out of this conversation with Tyler, double-click below for the full interview.

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