Everybody needs a bucket list.
The Lumpkin Watcher is not immune to this human need.
On the very last page of his diary, the Lumpkin Watcher has penned his list of to-dos before fate steps in and makes him go to Sleepytown forever (the phrase his mom adopted to describe what happened to his guinea pig that was left outside).
1. Defeat Ricky in a game of wits in front of Cheryl
2. Watch entire season of Friends on DVD
3. Obtain clippings of Cheryl’s hair
4. Get a DVD player
5. Make the front page of the Lumpkinville Post (in a positive way)
6. Meet a man who swam with sharks/dolphins
7. Run around the world
8. Visit the very first Sonic and have a chocolate milkshake while sitting in the driver’s seat
9. Meet Denny Hope (host of local channel’s morning show, Wake Up Lumpkinville)
10. Drink an entire 6 pack of NOS Energy Drinks in one sitting
11. Become manager of “Rhonda’s Remedies” (my mom’s online health food store)
12. Become owner of “Rhonda’s Remedies”
13. Change name of “Rhonda’s Remedies” to “Midnight Ninja Barn” where I sell fighting equipment and stuff
14. Marry Cheryl (if not already married to Ricky – though look into Mormonism if he is – but does that apply? Isn’t it a bunch of wives for one guy? Does it work the other way? Whatever.)
15. Own a dog and name him “Scrapes” (I meant “Scraps” but “Scrapes” made me LOL)
16. Reveal my identity on Wake Up Lumpkinville
17. Shake hands with the guy who whistled Georgia on My Mind
18. Learn how to whistle to avoid awkward silence with the whistle guy
19. Get my license (to kill. Ha! JK – just to drive a car/moped)
20. Be the world’s best known lover