At long last I was able to recline, enjoy a meal and converse with Greg Boone.  We shared a few laughs, a few tears and a few delicious steaks.  His steak was slightly more bloody than mine, but we put our differences aside and got down to business.

Me: Greg, I’ve known you for many years and you’ve run the gamut of facial hair.  I believe when I first encountered you, you were sporting the stache — how long did you rock the stache?

Greg: I don’t know if I had just the stache when you met me… (trails off down memory lane)

Me: You just had the stache in ’97.

Greg: I had the stache for…(consults wife)  I think I had it from the time I was at least a sophomore in college.  From the time of say — 21 until now at 43, I have had at least a moustache on my face.  I’ve only been clean shaven once.

Me: And that was probably startling to all of your friends?

Greg: It was very startling.  My children ran — they didn’t recognize me.  Leanne would not have sexual relations with me at all until it grew back.

(a non-bearded listener gasps)

Me: (also startled) Wow…

(Greg’s wife, Leanne, delivers a flying Superman punch to Greg’s throat)

Me: You have run the gamut in facial hair.  You had the stache, you normally rock the goatee, but currently Greg — you are doing the full beard.  What is the community response?

Greg: So far it has been pretty good.  Once you’ve had the goatee, it’s not that dramatically different.  It does kind of change the jawline a little bit.  And of course I am growing the hair out at the same time.  It is sort of a mountain man thing happening.

Me: You are more burly than I have ever seen you.

Greg: I’m very burly.

Me: Now that you’ve had your beard for however long you’ve had it, what have you found to be troubling?

Greg: It’s probably the trimming.  Mine grows pretty far up (pointing to bottom of his eyelid).  It grows way up over the cheek bone.

Me: You always keep yours short — pretty close to your face.  I can’t do that because as you can see I kind’ve look like I have the mange (I point to my tattered little beard), but you can fill yours out and that is exciting for me for you.

Greg: Yes.

Me: Thanks.

Greg: You’re welcome.

For the full interview, double-click below for your listening pleasure.

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Fact: Bearded men live on average 100% longer than anyone else
Fact: Bearded men must consider the length of their beard when they get a haircut

There is nothing worse for a Beardy who has been sporting his beard for some time than to get a refreshing haircut and enter immediately into a public setting.  Not only is he in a weakened state from having his hair cut, but he is also susceptible to quiet ridicule.  The quiet ridicule takes place when people notice that your hair to beard ratio is way off.  Sometimes, on a lot of Beardys, it can appear as though someone grabbed your head and twisted it upside down.  This is when the hair on your beard is longer and shaggier than the hair on your head.  In beard communities, we call this the Twisted It Upside Down Syndrome, or TIUDS for short.  Most Beardys just say “TUDS”  because to say “TIUDS” just sounds ridiculous.
So remember TIUDS and keep your quiet ridicule to yourself.  Give the Beardy time to make it home and trim and serenely comb his/her face.

I sat down with Jody “Shoebox” Deming one Fall afternoon, and he began to muse upon life, liberty and the pursuit of beards.  His surely is a noble quest as you will find for yourself.

Me: Jody, you are a fellow Beardy, true?

Jody: That is true.

Me: In the length of time that I have known you, this is the first time I have seen you with such an extensive beard.  When did you find that you could start growing a beard?

Jody: (A sheep runs through the room)  When I was 12 years old.

Me: 12 years old?  Did you start growing a beard when you were 12 or did you start with a moustache?

Jody: I had the thin 12 year old moustache for quite a while.  I actually could have shaved and had the beard but I just figured, “No, I will just go with the 12 year old moustache.”  All the chicks were digging it back then.

Me: In beard communities we call that the Thinstache.

Jody: The Thinstache.  That’s exactly right.

Me: Jody, you have talked of a dilemna recently.  You normally shave your head, but you have a beard now.  Have you made any sort of decisions about that?

Jody: I am thinking about being the “shaved head guy with a beard” — that may happen tonight.

Me: I look forward to seeing that tomorrow.

Jody: I live on the edge.

Me: What have you noticed that is troubling about having a beard?

Jody: The traditional troubling thing with beards is the food — that gets caught in here (points to face).  Sometimes I’ll eat a hamburger and a little cheese will get caught in my beard and it just drives me crazy. Where is that cheese smell coming from?

Me: It’s from your face.

Jody: Most of the time.

Me: Have you done any sort of calculating — have you found that you save money by growing a beard instead of shaving?

Jody: I am actually now a millionaire.

Me: So would you recommend that people grow beards?

Jody: No.

Me: Thank you.

For the full interview, double-click below for your listening pleasure.

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