The thing about working at a summer camp is that you never know what each day will bring your way.  One moment you can be the most awesome guy in the universe on stage with a microphone, the next you can be huddled in the corner in a fetal position, drooling and saying your name backwards repeatedly because you are so exhausted.  The other night was one of those nights that caught me by surprise…
[Wiggly lines indicating a flashback.]

I had just finished directing our summer staff in the running skit that involves portals, a king and a queen, some bad guys and of course some bumbling good guys.  As I was wiping my brow and receiving a few back pats, I was approached by one of our many guests.  She spoke softly so that I had to lean in close to hear her.  After she finished speaking, I leaned back with a “happy to serve you smile”.  I know why she spoke so quietly.  The toilet in room four, full of 6th grade girls, is badly clogged.
I entered the room full of giddy girls.  I had a plunger, a bag and some gloves.  I hesitantly walked into their bathroom, and there it was.  I swear it was a Muppet hand trying to reach up through the toilet while holding a jellyfish.  That is the best G-PG rated description I can offer you.
I kept my “happy to serve you smile” going so as not to call out the girl in the bunk that wouldn’t make eye contact with me.  I took care of the problem and exited the room quickly using the happiest British accent I could muster.  It took much concentration to get out of the room without spewing all over the floor and thus adding to the already balmy rotten smell the room had acquired.

The lesson?
Make sure you are not around when someone needs you to unclog their toilet.

You can find the place where I work here.  There are a few videos on the site where I describe our camp sessions.

One cold and freezing day, I ventured to work trying to power through some sort of stomach mess that was wreaking its destruction in the southern end of a northbound Kevin.  I made it to my meeting on time, but found myself pacing the room in a cold sweat.  It was obvious to my co-workers that I was dealing with some issue of the “get the heck out of my way if I am running to the bathroom” variety.
Our meeting started, but I was mentally checked out.  I was trying to maintain control of my nethersystem.  I was losing.  Badly.  Quickly — for I could stand it no longer.  The moment was upon me and I had to act or everyone would pay dearly.  I ran to the bathroom which for the most privacy, was located in an outside building.  Snow was falling gently as I burst through the door of the restroom.  It was extremely chilly in there, but there was no time to care.  The moment was upon me like a tidal wave of…like a tidal wave.  I kicked in the door of the last stall and said a prayer to the god of nice bathrooms.  I had made it.  Moments later and much too late, horror of horrors, I made a terrible discovery.

Life Lesson #83
Make sure that if you are stricken with a violent stomach bug, you are always aware of which bathrooms have frozen pipes and thus have toilets that are unable to be flushed.

I think we all have seen this product at some point in our lives.  If not, it gives me extreme pleasure to introduce to you — Toilet Mini Golf.  That’s right.  Haven’t you been on the toilet and thought, “Man!  What is there to do?  I am so bored.”  If so, look no further.  You can play a complete round of mini golf right in the comfort of your own bathroom.  And remain seated (please remain seated), because included is a mini putter that is just the right size.  So next time you are on the throne and you wanna kill some time, break out Toilet Mini Golf.  And afterwards make an appointment with your family physician to address the ill effects of sitting on a toilet for excessive periods of time.

(Thanks to Christ Hunt for snapping this pic while apparently driving down a rough road while blindfolded)

There is a local eating establishment here in the Upstate that I find intriguing.  I amazed at their open health code violations (employees eating their food in the kitchen while preparing my food, not washing hands, handling my cup with their fingers around the rim, etc.)  but I am more impressed by the lengths to which they go to catch a hooligan.

The following sign was hung inside the stall door of the men’s bathroom:

These people may not care about health code, but they will hunt you down if you mess with their toilets.